


Half-Winged Butterfly

by Miko_Doll



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-19
Updated: 2015-01-19
Packaged: 2018-01-19 23:40:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 23,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1488430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miko_Doll/pseuds/Miko_Doll
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They never on the same page. The more Kuroro hates her, The more Kurapica loves him. Kurofem!Pica</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Onyx

**Half-Winged Butterfly**

The black haired man slapped his lover hard, filled with rage. His black eyes narrowed and expressed mixed emotions of hatred, betrayed, disappointed, and love. His palm was stung and so did her cheek which he held silently. Kurapica didn’t say a thing. She knew she deserved it. It was her fault after all.

“You bitch…” Kuroro hissed, tried to not yelling in the middle of night.

Kurapica didn’t look at him. The short haired girl simply stared at her lover’s suitcase. He just came back from business trip and they started their old routine immediately.

“How long do you intend to do this to me!?” He yelled, finally lost his patience at the blonde’s silent stare to his suitcase instead to stare straight to his eyes.

“I’m sorry…” She murmured, eyes still glued to the suitcase.

“Sorry?” He threw his hands to nowhere. Oh this was ridiculous. “How many ‘sorry’ you gave me before? How many second chances I gave you? How long are you going to play this game on us?”

And here they go again. Kurapica glared back at him. Anger clouded her cerulean eyes and she shot back hatefully; “I said; I’m sorry!”

This were they routine; yell at each other, slap, throw stuffs, yell again until their voice hoarse, Kurapica cry like it’s the end of the world, Kuroro give up because he always do, made up, repeat. She knew it was her fault. She knew that today Kuroro is come back from his business trip. She knew exactly what time he will arrive at home. But yet she stayed longer then arrived at home thirty minutes after Kuroro, smelled like alcohol, sweats, perfume, and smoke. She knew he will be very mad at her. She knew he has the right to angry. But she _deliberately_ came home late and let Kuroro knew what she did while he was gone.

But Kurapica knew it was the way he loved her, with all yells and slaps and hatred. They were never on the same page. Crazy… but it was true that they love each other and they were really madly in love. Kuroro loved her and wanted to protect her from all insecurities she had. Kurapica loved him because it felt right; she felt he was the one she had been looking for, the one who wouldn’t walk away.

So how all of this went so wrong?

* * *

 

  1.        Onyx



Kuroro was doing his usual healthy jogging activity that morning when he realized someone was sleeping at the bus stop in front of his apartment building. The person was buried under piles of newspapers and only it’s long blonde hair could be seen. Because the hair was long, he considered the person as a girl.

He shrugged it off and jogged pass her without much thought.

When he went to the bust stop at 07.30 for work, she was nowhere to be seen.

The next morning, he saw her again. But this time, only her lower body covered by newspapers while her hand covered her eyes. She was pretty small, maybe around sixteen years old or younger. She wore black tank top and baby blue coat with white fur adorned the line of the hood and sleeves and maybe wore a pair of jeans. Maybe.

Kuroro jogged pass her again.

She was nowhere to be seen again at 07.30.

The next day and the next day after and the next day after, Kuroro saw her sleeping at the bus stop and disappeared at 07.30.

But the next week, he saw her curled at the bus stop with no newspaper protected her. She wore her usual coat, black top, black hot pants and brown boots. Her long blonde hair was completely a mess and she held her stomach as if she was in pain. Kuroro stopped and looked at her with concern and curiosity. Was she alright? He crouched next to her, grabbed her shoulder and shook it softly.

“Hey…” He tried. She stayed still. “Are you okay?” When the blonde tensed a bit, he knew she was awake. “Hey, is there something wrong? Are you okay? Are you hu—“

“SHUT UP!” She snapped, swatted his hand off of her shoulder and glared at him hatefully.

Kuroro was surprised at the color of her eyes. It was black, a deep black. He always wonder about the color of her eyes but black was out of the question. He was so surprised that he had to fall silent a moment before he found his voice again. “I uh… just wondering are you okay because you curled like you’re in pain.”

The girl sat up and snorted. “Is that your problem or _my_ problem?” She asked sardonically.

“Well, it yours completely, but—“

“Then FUCK OFF!” She yelled, stood up and stomped away from him

Kuroro stared at her back for a moment and thought about her black eyes.

* * *

 

Kuroro sighed and ran fingers to his black hair. “Is that what you can say to me? To apologize like it is my fault for not forgive you?”

“No! it’s not like that!” She tried to lower her tone. “I—I mean it when I say sorry.”

“Oh, really?” Kuroro couldn’t stop the anger which were boiling in his head.

* * *

 

  1.        Midnight



Kuroro didn’t see the blonde for three weeks so he was surprised when he saw her again at the bus stop near midnight. He was about to 24 hours mini marker across the buss stop when he saw her playing with her cell phone. When she glanced to him, he averted his gaze and continued his walk to mini market.

After he done, the girl was still there. She frowned at her cell phone, opened the back, took off the battery and threw all of it to the asphalt. The phone broke and scattered. She cursed under her breath and sat at the bus stop. She pulled her knees to her chest, hugged it and rested her head on it. Kuroro couldn’t stop himself when he was stood beside the girl. “You can’t sleep there, you know.”

But the girl just glanced at him for a while and ignored him as she lowered her head again. “I know you hear me.” He insisted.

“Is this yours?” She asked through her knees.

“Nope.”

“Then you have no right to tell me what to do.”

He shrugged. “But you will get sick if you sleep here with hot pants.”

She snorted, tilted her head so her cheek rested on knees. A smirk plastered to her face when she purred; “Whaat? Are you trying to seduce me?” She giggled, “You have to pay a good damn amount of money if you want me.”

Kuroro frowned. “Are you selling yourself to me?”

“Only if you buy me.”

“Is that serious?”

“If you don’t want me just go.” She sighed and buried her head between her knees again. “I’m tired and I wanna sleep, so please abandon me.”

“But you probably get molested! It isn’t safe—“

“Aaaaagh!!” She yelled in frustration. She grabbed her head, bolted up and glared at him. “Can you just fuck off and shut up?” She yelled again, “It’s none of your fucking business, I’m no one to you and you’re no one to me. Can’t you get the clue that I hate you and leave me alone ‘cuz I’m gonna fucking _kill_ you if you keep annoy me!”

Kuroro lost his voice again. The blonde’s face was full of rage. Her wrath was too much and it looked like she pressed all her anger by gritted her teeth and clenched her hands strongly. It’s like… like she was ready to explode greater than she already had.

When Kuroro just frowned in confusion, the girl went on her yelling; “Stay out of my way! Don’t step in! Mind your own fucking shit! Don’t say all nasty things you called concern to me because I know it all lies! LIES!” She panted. Her expression showed disgust. She continued with lower tone but still contained wrath and hatred. “Stop playing like you’re some kind of savior! Stop seeking someone you can sace and don’t you dare look at me like I need salvation because I’m not!”

She threw profanities under her breath which Kuroro didn’t catch. She cursed at herself while clasped her hands together and smacked it to her forehead. “Shit shit shit shit!” When she realized Kuroro still stared at her, she grabbed a trash can beside her and threw it to his feet. “I said; don’t stare at me!” She screamed, turned around on her heels and ran.

She was nowhere to be seen at morning and didn’t appear at midnight either.

* * *

 

“You always said you mean it.” Kuroro started again. “But you do it again and again and again!” His voice rose.

Kurapica clenched her hands. Anger, guilt, and disgust mixed together. Her head throbbed, her chest knotted, and her breath went short. “Kuroro…” She tried in a calmed voice.

“I forgive you when you apologize, I give you second chance because you ask for it, I _trust_ you when you said you mean it!”

“Kuroro…” A warning.

“I _trust_ you and this is how you treat my trust?”

That was it. Kurapica was almost faint because all overwhelming emotions danced in her head. “STOP!” She yelled, and Kuroro stopped. He stopped because he understood and he understood because he was a good man. “Just… jut stop…” She panted a while, clutched her shirt in attempt to calm her anger.

Kuroro groaned when he realized Kurapica was shaking so hardly. He sighed loudly in defeat and pinched the bridge of his nose, “Right… this is too much.”

They fell silent for gained their composure once again.

* * *

 

  1.        Midningt Friendship



The girl was spotted again at midnight three days later. She was preparing herself to sleep when Kuroro walked pass her to the mini market across the bus stop and she presented him with a murderous glare before shifted to her side and closed her eyes.

Kuroro stayed silent and went to the mini market across the bus stop. After he done and crossed the road again, he fished out a regular sized carton of vanilla milk and nudged the girl’s cheek with it.

“Didn’t you get the point of what I said three days ago or you just idiot?” She said without even opened her eyes.

“No… I just want to say sorry I interrupt your personal life three days ago.” Kuroro said.

The girl snorted, “Why, thank you very much. I humbly appreciate it so can you gracefully fly away with your beautiful wings?”

“Un fortunately I have no wings like you expect me to have and I stay here because I bring you some kind of I’m-sorry gift.”

“What if I say; I eat human flesh and drink their blood and mundane things make me sick?”

“Well then, I’ll stay here until you take this mundane thing to be your collection.”

She groaned in irritation, sat up and glared at him. “Fine. Give it to me.”

Kuroro smiled and gave her the vanilla milk then sat beside her. The girl frowned in disagreement. “No one said you can sit here.”

“Well, no one said you can sleep here.”

She snorted, rolled her eyes and drunk her vanilla milk. When the vanilla flavor hit her tongue buds. She frowned. “Vanilla?”

“Don’t like it?” He sipped his coffee.

“I like chocolate more.” She sighed and continued drinking her milk.

“Oh… I think you said you like blood flavored milk a while ago.”

“Heh, I craved for it.” She smirked while bite the straw.

Kuroro laughed. “Well, you seemed to be calmer today.”

“Nope you just delusional.”

“I take it as; mind your own shit’?”

Her smirk grew wider. “You look smarter today.”

“Why, thank you very much.”

She played with her carton before threw it to trashcan. It missed, but she didn’t mind to pick it up. Kuroro just stared at her while she leaned back on her arm and stared at the blank dark sky. They stayed that way for a while before she sighed and stared at him with her black eyes. It looked unnatural for her.

“So, mind to share what good things happen today?”

She smiled a bit. A distant smile. “My friend… my best friend was accepted in his favorite university. He got a full scholarship.”

Kuroro raised his eyebrows. “Really? What faculty?”

“School of medicine.”

“Wow! He really is smart.”

“Yeah…”

“It makes me wonder, how old are you?”

She shrugged, “Seventeen. Why?”

“Oh…”

“What about you?”

“Twenty two.”

“Really? I thought you’re older that that.”

“And I thought you’re younger than seventeen.”

She rolled her eyes and yawned. “I’m gonna sleep now.”

Kuroro blinked. “Oh, sure. I gotta get some rest by now.” He stretched his arms and got to his feet.

She positioned herself under piles of newspapers and fell asleep. Kuroro stared at her for a while, took off his coat and put it gently over her. The fast asleep girl didn’t budge when Kuroro did that, she nuzzled to it instead.

Kuroro cracked a smile and left.

He wondered why he didn’t ask her name when he arrived at his apartment.

The blonde with strange black eyes vanished at morning. There was a post-it glued to the bus stop sign;

‘I’ll give your coat back tonight. :p’

* * *

 

“Let’s… just stop and drop it today.” Kuroro sighed.

Kurapica face rose quickly. “No!” She snapped. “We… we must finish this now.” Because Kurapica had to make sure about her lover’s feeling. Did he still love her?

Kuroro sighed. “No, I don’t think so, Kurapica.” He put his hands on hip and his head lowered in defeat. “I’m tired, and both of us aren’t calm enough for this conversation. We have to cool down.”

“But—“

“Please, Kurapica.” Kuroro said with a lower tone and Kurapica dare not argue further. She bit her lower lip and fiddled her thumbs. After they fell in uncomfortable silent, Kuroro raised his head. “I’ll sleep on the couch tonight.”

“N—no! I will sleep on the couch. You’re just came back and must be tired. You need to sleep properly on bed.”

“But—“

“I’m fine! This is your house, I’m just a—I mean…”

Kuroro sighed again as Kurapica struggled to find the right words. They had been through this conversation so man times before and yet Kurapica still judge herself at that state; a parasite in his house. She always like that. No matter how often Kuroro explained to her, she never understand or stubbornly refused to accept it. Either way, it bothered him to no end. But fatigue won over him so he didn’t argue and simply sighed.

“Alright… I’ll go inside.” He turned around and hesitated for a while before saying; “If it too cold for you… just come in. I don’t mind.”

Kurapica nodded. “Good night.” She said with a husky voice.

There was no good night kisses…

“Good night.” Kuroro said and walked to his room, left Kurapica alone, stood on her spot and suddenly found the floor was really interesting.

There was no warm hug during her sleep…

She was alone… curled in a comfy couch. She blamed herself, threw profanities for herself, angry at herself, disgusted at herself. She had a wonderful lover, perfect even, but she couldn’t resist to let him down. She always resumes her game, tested how far she could go, only to feel guilt and sadness in the end.

She couldn’t resist to see Kuroro’s angry face directed straightly at her to make sure he still love her, to make sure his attention was hers, to make sure she belonged to him. It was a pleasure, a relief to see that strong emotion glued to his fair face. It was the proof Kuroro loves her.

The more Kuroro hate her, the more Kurapica love her. When Kuroro give his affection to her, she was happy, terribly happy and it made her anxious. She felt insecure and she scared. When Kuroro angry at her, disappointed at her, she felt loved, and she clung desperately to it and craved for it.

Kurapica embraced herself that night, pledged to be better lover to Kuroro and stop her unreasonable and foolish game… then she fell to a deep slumber.

to be continue...


	2. Paper Airplane

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurapica ran toward the beach, tried to fly with the paper airplane...

II

 

_“Kurapica… let’s runaway together.” The brunette boy said. “We have nothing to lose… there’s nothing to regret.” He smiled sweetly, innocently._

_That time, they intended to escape from the world._

Kurapica jolts awake and gasps. She sits abruptly and trembles like crazy. Her mouth open and close in attempt to gain steady breath like a fish without water. Her eyes sweep the room wildly and her voice is chocked in throat. Tears gather on her eyes. Sadness, agony, anger, confusion, longing, betrayed, abandoned, hated, all emotions mix into one, torture her to no end. She hugged herself and cried silently.

_Run… Far away…_

* * *

 

When Kuroro gets up, Kurapica has disappeared. There is a plate of pancakes on the kitchen table, together with a baby blue post-it glued to the table; ‘I’m sorry’ 

* * *

 

4\. Name

As promised, Kuroro walked to the bus stop near midnight and found the blonde girl sat there. She was doing something between her legs which he couldn’t see. He sat beside her and looked at her. He studied her face. She was really beautiful with fair face and skin. Her long eyelashes, her small nose, her rosy cheeks, her thin lips, slender neck, perfect body line, small features, she was an ideal girl for every man.

Yet, her black eyes were odd. It was unnatural. The black eyes were somehow dull, lifeless, unfocused and full of hatred to the world. But there was sadness deep in it. And even though she was smiling right now, her eyes didn’t smile, there was only sadness and still unfocused.

“Like what you’re seeing?” The girl asked. So she did notice him, Kuroro amused.

“Well, how could I be pleased if I can not see what so interesting activity you’re doing right now?”

The blonde rolled her eyes. “I make this.” She lifted up a small paper airplane.

“Wait, isn’t that money?”

“Yup! And this is then thousand jenny!”

“Wh-what?”

“The plane is ready to take off!” She said cheerfully and threw the paper airplane. It flew higher and higher, let the wind kidnapped it to nowhere.

“Why did you do that?” Kuroro asked when she laughed heartedly.

“Hmm… isn’t that interesting?” She hummed.

“That’s a waste.”

“Doesn’t matter… I don’t need that, though. I can get money as many as I want. I just disgusted with the money given… oh never mind.” She waved her hand carelessly and stared at him. “Thanks for your coat.” She smiled.

“You’re welcome.” She handed the coat back to him and Kuroro could smell a sweet scent of detergent on it. “You washed it?”

She rolled her eyes again. “No, I drown it in mud.”

Kuroro chuckled. “If you washed this, it means you have someplace to sleep properly, right?”

“Nope. I’m completely homeless. I’m just a dirty parasite.”

“Why don’t you sleep in your employer’s place?”

“Like I said before; I’m a dirty parasite.” She smirked. Kuroro stared at her smirk. She judged herself low and yet she smiled. “Oh…” was all he could manage from his mouth. There was a spark of humor in her deep black eyes.

“Yeah. Not just a parasite, in fact, I live as a pet to my filthy rich fatass master.” She said with a teasing tone.

The black haired man rolled his eyes. “I hardly believe that.”

“Aw, you’re not fun.” She hugged her knees and rested her chin on it.

“Well I humbly apologizes my lady.” Kuroro said dramatically. “If I please, could I learn your name so this sinner can worship you as an apology to my ungraceful behavior.” The girl looked at him in disbelief as she struggled to hold back laughter.

“All this time you seduce me without even know my name? And I thought I am quite popular.”

“And here I am thinking you’re the one who seduce me first.”

“Oh shush! I’m Kurapica and shall you bend your knees before me to worship me for the rest of your life!”

“Just drop this act… I’m out of word right now.”

“No fun…” Kurapica huffed. Her interest was drawn to the dark sky. “I’m…”

Kurapica’s cell phone rung, she fished it out and answered it. When Kuroro saw her cell phone he noticed it was different from the broken one he had seen last time. “Yeah? Oh… hmm… not really. No… I’m with a friend. No—oh shush!” The man noticed that the girl used a more relaxed tone to whoever talked to her from the cell phone. “I’m at the bus stop. Yea… that one. What? No no no… I’ll walk to your place. Uh-hum… yeah yeah yeah, see you in a while.” She rolled her eyes and stuffed the phone to her pocket. “My fatass master asked for my appearance.” She said to him.

“Stop saying fatass master. Is that the one you live with?”

“You’re right, he’s not fat.”

 _He_. Kuroro frowned slightly. So she did live with a guy.

“By the way, I should go right now. See ya later!” She got up and blew a kiss-bye through her shoulder. Kuroro watched her walked and called her after a while.

“Hey!” When she stopped and glanced to him, he shouted; “I’m Kuroro!” Kurapica smirked, rolled her eyes and waving her hand as she continued her walking.

* * *

She sighs outside her best friend’s apartment’s door. She knows she shouldn’t come in when her mood is like this. But she has no other choice. She has no other shelter and this place is her last sanctuary, the last place which can give her peace of mind. She plays with her keys for a while and, after realizes that he is inside, she opens the door.

* * *

5\. Tattoo

Kuroro had known Kurapica for three months now. They always met at bus stop every midnight, chatted and laughed about everything. If they had no topic to discuss, they simply stared at dark sky and enjoyed each other company. If Kurapica couldn’t show up at midnight, she would let him knew by glued a post-it at bus stop. Kuroro asked her number once but she said it was not fun to text each other. He found it funny because he secretly agreed with her. He treasured every post-it.

One night, Kuroro noticed something. There was a tattoo of butterfly on her inner left thigh. “Is that tattoo?”

“Hm?” Her attention shifted from the sky to his question. “This? Yeah… beautiful, right?”

“When did you get that?”

“Hmm… two years ago.”

_When our days separated from this world…_

Kurapica let a longing smile shown on his face. “My… my best friend made this for me.”

_So we laugh on their back… how foolish they are…_

“You mean the one you live with?”

The blonde’s expression suddenly became cold, blank… unfocused.

_Live together… in the place where no one knows…_

“Yeah… sort of…” She trailed off. Stared at the black sky again, but her eyes saw through the sky… was seeing something else.

_Our days searching for nothingness…_

Kurapica got up, she looked like in a daze state and then walked away. Not even bid a farewell, she disappeared just like the butterfly on her inner left thigh.

_Because we have nothing…_

* * *

_“Butterfly?”_

_“Yeah!”_

_“Why butterfly?”_

_“It’s pretty, and butterfly is just like us!”_

_“How so?”_

_“Well, butterflies are free, have nothing, care about nothing, only have themselves.”_

_“But we’re not free.” “_

_Not yet…” The brunette boy smiled._

_“Soon…”_

_We’ll break free…_

* * *

6\. Butterfly

After the tattoo conversation, Kurapica show up less and less. She showed up about once or twice a week, or even didn’t show up at all. She stopped leaving a post-it to let Kuroro knew whether she came or not. But the man kept waiting.

As day passed, Kuroro noticed the blonde’s obsession with butterfly. She often used clothes with butterfly pattern or butterfly shaped accessories. He wondered about it, about the meaning of butterfly to her. Sometimes, during the daylight, Kuroro saw her worked at a maid café, he already knew about it. She talked about her part time job and would break his neck if he dares to step in to the café. Some other daylights, she walked with a group of street guys or just with one of them. Those guys stared at her in adoration, worshipped her beauty. But Kurapica always smiled an uninterested smile, an I-don’t-care smile, like he half noticed them. Every time he saw her walked, she was with different guys.

One night, after three weeks of the girl’s absence, she showed up again. Kuroro was sitting at the bus stop when a car stopped right in front of the bus stop. Kurapica got out from the passenger seat, circled the car and leaned to the opened driver’s window. They chatted briefly, she giggled, they kissed passionately and the man gave her an amount of money before he left. The blonde sighed and turned around on her heels. That was the first time Kuroro saw her wearing high heels.

“Hello, handsome!” She laughed cheerfully and sat beside him.

“Hey, it’s been a while.” Kuroro greeted back.

Kurapica shrugged, “I’ve been busy.”

The black haired man hummed. “Your boyfriend?” He pointed his thumb to the direction where the car left.

“What? Ahahaha… nope, just a random ‘good man’ who is willing to give me his cash.” When Kuroro’s eyebrows rose high, she continued, “What? You didn’t take seriously about me sell myself? What a shame.” She stared at the blank sky again with a smile.

“Why?”

“Have no money. Can’t depend on my master forever, right? Besides, he didn’t have to take care of me. I have a lot of men who is willing to take me and give me money for living.”

“What are you saying? Why are you always talking about yourself like that?”

“Because I’m a parasite?” She giggled.

Kuroro frowned. She always like this; switched the conversation with a joke or something else if she didn’t want to talk about something. He grabbed her shoulder and made her stare at him. “No, answer me seriously! Why did you talk like that about yourself?”

Kurapica glared at him in anger. “Didn’t I say to you to mind your own shit?” she swatted his hands away. “It’s my right to talk about myself the way I want.” She got up, “Fuck you!” then walked away. The street lights shone over her, she waltzed through the light, like a butterfly flew through a thousands lights of fireflies.

* * *

Kurapica steps in, opens her boots and walks to the living room. There is a cheerful and loud voices coming from there. When she arrives there, she sees her best friend sits cross-legged in front of a table with his back facing her and two fifteen year old boys sit across him. Kurapica knows them, they are Leorio’s students. He does a side job as private teacher. He still needs extra money for living even though he got full scholarship.

She stares at them blankly; let herself be embraced by the warm atmosphere. After a while, the spiky haired teen named Gon noticed her and beams brightly; “Kurapica!” When Leorio and his other student, Killua, draw their attention to her, she manages a smile but it fall in a blink.

“Hey…” She greets softly. “Sorry for interrupting.”

Leorio stand up quickly. “No, no, no… you’re not. This apartment stills yours too. You are welcome anytime.” Kurapica smiles slightly again. “Is there… something you wanna talk about?” Kurapica averts her gaze to Gon and Killua who are bickering about how to solve the annoying algebra.

“Later… I guess…”

“Oh, okay.”

Kurapica sighs and fiddles her thumbs nervously. “Can… can I use the bathroom?”

Leorio crosses his hands with annoyed expression. “Do you understand what I said before? This is your home too. You don’t have to ask my permission every time you want to do something. No, don’t argue me. Just go straight to your room and grab anything you need then do whatever you like with bathroom.” After that, Leorio sit back and pinches Killua’s and Gon’s cheek because the two boys literally try to bite each other fingers.

Kurapica bite her bottom lip. “Thanks.”

She walks to her room. She used to live with Leorio since the age of fifteen. He took her in after she got nowhere to go and no one to protect her. She steps in her room. It still as messy as usual with butterflies accessories, canvases, piles of sketches, and various kind of drawing equipments. He gave her this room and kindly told her that she could stay as long as she want (forever if she want). He gave her shelter, and patiently stayed at her side when she at an almost dysfunctional state; refused to talk, refused to eat, refused to sleep, even refused to live. He was the one who brought her back to solid ground after her world no longer stable. After Kurapica decided to move in with Kuroro, Leorio said to her that the apartment still welcome her. That was the reason why she insisted to leave her belongings in her room; to claim her place in this apartment.

_Because we have nothing…_

Kurapica grabs some fresh clothes and drags herself to bathroom. In there, she strips, gets in the tub and turns the faucet, creates a domestic rain upon her. She draws her knees closer, clasps her hands and rests it on knees, then her head joined soon. Oh how fucked up she was…

* * *

7\. Paper Airplane and Beach

To Kuroro’s surprise, Kurapica showed up that midnight, a day after she said; “Fuck you!” to him. He was so surprised that he couldn’t do anything but stared at her with eyes so big. The girl just sat with one hand supported her chin. She didn’t glance to him but Kuroro knew the blonde noticed him.

“Hey…” She said after a while, eyes still focused at the mini market across the bus stop. “Can you drive me to the beach?”

“What?” Kuroro snapped.

“I know you have a car even though you always use bus to work. So can you or can you not?” She finally stared at him. Kuroro was so confused with her sudden request. He stared at her and she stared at him. They stayed like that for a while and he noticed a big bag beside her.

Kuroro sighed. “Now?”

“Yes!”

He huffed. “Right… wait here, I’ll go get my car.” Kuroro was half running half walking to get his car. After that, he picked Kurapica up and she got to the front passenger sear then threw her back to the back seat. The beach was three hours trip away from town so they would arrive at three in the morning. Maybe he had to miss work.

The girl unexpectedly enjoyed the trip. She propped one arm to window and supported her chin, hummed some random songs while stared out window, and switched radio station every now and then. She didn’t say anything and Kuroro couldn’t form a word. So they stayed that way until the beach could be seen. The blonde got hyper excited. She squealed; “Beach!” and turned her attention to Kuroro. “I can open the window, right?”

“Yeah…” Kuroro rolled his eyes, completely amused by the girl’s excitement.

She opened the window and laughed happily. “Wooo!”

Kuroro just smiled. It was a good thing to see her smile. The man glanced to her smiling face, the excitement written completely on her face, her body bounced eagerly, like a little child waiting a candy. Kuroro never do this kind of thing; flee to somewhere suddenly without a worry of what left behind, without a worry about tomorrow, only care about this time happiness. Some might call this runaway. But it wasn’t so bad, right? Every human needs to take a break from daily stress. An unknown bliss trapped him. He was fleeing with nothing to worry about with Kurapica smiling alongside him. That was really good.

When they finally parked, Kurapica got out, stretched her body then grabbed her bag and ran to the sandy space. Kuroro chuckled, stuffed his hands on his pant’s pocket and followed her in slower place. “Oh, c’mon!” Kurapica complained at his slow walking. “Help me lit this starless sky!” She yelled as she waved various kinds of fireworks to him. The young man ran to her and helped her with the fireworks. He had no idea there was so many kinds of fireworks in her bag, he thought it contained clothes.

They played with the fireworks. First they lit the stick fireworks and swung it around like a fairy’s magic wand. Its lights adorned the gloomy night and it seemed like line of lights and stars surrounded them. Their laughter was loud and heartedly, the sound of the sea seemed merrier, sand tickled their bare feet (because Kurapica insisted to kick them off of their feet.) and wind slapped their hair. He was happy to see her smile, but there was something off about her behavior. He could feel it, but when he saw her smiled at him, he pushed those thought aside. Maybe the girl just wanted to have fun, right? After played with the stick fireworks, Kuroro shot big fireworks to the sky of sea, made giant colorful stars.

Kurapica squealed delightedly. “That was awesome!” She screamed to the sea and it yelled back to her with its sound of waves.

“Yeah, it was great…” Kuroro sighed. When he was about to sit, Kurapica stared at him with a frown, “Who said you can sit? The party isn’t over yet! Help me with this!” She raised a lot of paper airplanes. “Happy flight!” She yelled excitedly. Kuroro did as he was told. He pulled out some paper airplanes and threw them away. It looked incredibly beautiful, the white paper airplanes were like doves flew through the night sky.

Then, after threw a lot of it, Kuroro realized they were so many! Seriously, how many paper airplanes did she make? He absentmindedly unfolded one of those and stunned to see a sketch of butterfly. It was so great! The curves, the lines, the beauty of black and white. He fished out more from her bag and realized that all of them were sketches. Most of them were butterflies, and some various sketches of people’s face, hands, wings, small light in pitch black, fallen wing with splattered blood, abstract doodles, and many more. He frowned when he noticed a small writing known as the blonde’s sign in every paper. All of this was her sketches! Why did she do this?

“What are you doing?” Kurapica, who appeared in front of him so suddenly, asked curiously. “You shouldn’t unfold them, you have to free them!” Before Kuroro could protest, the girl snatched her bag from him and swung it wildly until all of the papers flew out aimlessly. “Let them free! Let them go! Let them find their way!” She yelled happily as she opened her hands widely, with one hand still grabbed the bag, to welcome the wind. Kuroro frowned. This wasn’t right.

“Kurapica?” He tried to draw her attention but the girl keep smiling to the empty space.

_Let them free… let them fly… let them go…_

Kuroro tried once again. “Kurapica…” Something was wrong, terribly wrong.

_Free… fly… far…_

A cold shiver crept down his body as he realized her eyes were blank. He grabbed her shoulder and turned her to him. “Kurapica! Kurapica!” He shook her, but he stared at him blankly. Nothingness… “Kurapica! Do you hear me!?”

“Hey…” She said softly. She smiled at him but her eyes still blank. “Do you enjoy the party?”

“What?”

“Good! This is a farewell party for both of us, so—“ In a blink of eye, she pushed him and ran toward the sea as she yelled; “GOOD BYE!”

_Run… leave all behind…_

“Kurapica!” The blank haired young man ran after her, but she was incredibly fast. Oh how fool he was! He must have noticed it since the very beginning. He knew something was off, but yet he keep pushed all his gut feeling away because he saw nothing! The girl didn’t stop even though the water hit her feet, she keep running even after waves embraced her. Finally, Kuroro could reach her and stopped her forcefully. “Stop! Are you insane? Are you trying to drown yourself?”

The girl struggled crazily. “Let me go! Let me go! Let me go!”

“No!”

“Don’t stop me! Nooo!”

The young man dragged Kurapica away from the sea. She kept struggling but Kuroro’s grip never loosened. “Don’t do that! What the—“

“You’re the one who did it first!” She screamed hysterically and pushed him away. Bewildered, Kuroro let her free from his grip. “You liar!” She continued, “Liar! Liar! Liar! Liar! You stayed by my side, you stepped into my world, you promised me a forever, you promised me everything! Lies! Lies! Lies! Lies!” She punched him in the chest every time she said ‘lies’. “How dare you stop me? I bid you farewell and what about you? You just flee away; leave me behind in this never ending noise! You leave me first!”

_Tears… tears… tears…_

As tears started to running down from her eyes, Kuroro was sure those black eyes weren’t seeing at him. “What are you talking about? Who are you talking to? Who do you see?”

“You leave me!” Kurapica went on, she didn’t listen to him. “You fucking leave me! How dare you leave me? You promised me nothingness, you promised that all of this noises will go mute! But you leave me! You ran away alone, you betrayed me and let me trapped in this ever lasting noises!”

_Red… red… red… the color of roses_

“Uuughhh….” She grabbed her hair, tugged it painfully hard, and shut her eyes tightly. “So noisy… to much noises… shut up! Shut up! SHUT UP!”

She screamed to the wind. Then Kurapica collapsed and Kuroro caught her in his arms.

_Hush…_

* * *

After she washes herself and almost literally drowns herself in the tub, she finally resurfaces and dries herself. She wears her clothes on; blank tank top with butterfly image printed on it and jeans. The blonde walks out and goes to the living room. Those teens still there, complain about triangles. “Ah, Kurapica!” Gon smiles all sunshine and rainbows. He always has those positive auras around him. “Can you make a hot chocolate, pleaaaase?”

“I’m not in the mood.” She says monotonously.

“Don’t you have to go to the café?” Leorio asks, and rolls his eyes at Gon who pouts childishly. Kurapica nods shortly.

“Gon! Stop pouting!” Killua pushes his friend’s face away.

“Uuuh… it’s Kurapica’s fault! She refuses to make hot chocolate!”

“Make it yourself!”

“But… you know, Killua, Kurapica’s hot chocolate is the best!” Gon sighs dramatically. Killua rolled his eyes. In his opinion, all hot chocolate tastes same except if you pour a spoon of salt in it.

“Right, maybe she will pour a poison to your drink if—ow ow ow!” Kurapica pinches his cheek. “The hell—? Aargh! Stop it!” He swats her hand. It’s the blonde’s turn to roll her eyes.

“Alright, I’ll make it for you two.” She sighs.

Gon grins from ear to ear. “Yay! Do you hear that, Killua?”

“Yeah… yeah…” The white haired teen still rubs at his reddened cheek.

“I’ll help Kurapica!” The spiky haired teen excitedly follows Kurapica to the kitchen.

The teen chirps happily to her about anything he could say. Kurapica doesn’t listen to him, her mind is completely blank. She just gives him; “Hmm…” or “Oh…” as answers and Gon doesn’t seem to mind. But slowly, as Gon keep talking, his voice mix with sounds of water, pencil against paper, fingers drummed at table, traffic, ticking of clock, stove, bubbling water, and many more. All of it mix at once, produce a buzzing sound which enter her ear and go straight to her head. She loses ability to separate those sounds and they just go louder and louder and louder. She can’t hold it anymore!

“SHUT UP!” She snaps.

Gon flinches and turn the stove down instantly. He stares at her with concern and fear while Leorio run to the kitchen followed by Killua. The blonde girl pants heavily. The buzzing sound doesn’t stop and she is frustrated by it. Gon take a step backward. “Kurapica?”

The girl grunts, grits her teeth and screams; “SHUT UP!” In wrath, she sweep all mugs she has prepared to the floor.

Leorio rushes in and pulls Gon back. “Stay away!” He commands. Next, he tries to reach Kurapica who keep throws dishes around. “Kurapica! Stop!”

“Shit shit shit!” She murmurs, tries in vain to stop all noises in her head. “It’s too noisy… shut up… shut up…”

“Kurapica! Pull yourself together!” Leorio manages to reach her but she keep struggles, and screams, and when she wants, she could be unimaginably strong. Leorio understand her; he knows what she is trying to do, he knows her depression. He could see all of it; the anger for herself, the unsteady grip on anything, the spark of fear in her eyes. When the blonde grabs a knife, Leorio quickly swats it away and tackles her down with him. “It’s okay, Kurapica… it’s okay. Focus on my voice, listen to me.” He whispers to the ear of the blonde who sits on his lap. He hugged her trembled body from behind and keep whispers; “Listen to me, Kurapica. Focus on my voice.” Slowly but surely, Kurapica calm down. The noises fade away and Leorio’s comforting voice enters her head. “Everything’s gonna be okay, do you hear me?”

Then she gives up. Tears melt in defeat. “Noo…” She whimpers. “I’m so messed up…” “Yes, but you’re gonna be fine.” He squeezes her hands softly.

“Why am I like this?” Leorio covers her eyes with his free hand. She needs this; she needs to not see anything.

“It’s not your fault, okay? No one can choose their fate.”

“Everything’s so fucked up. I did it again! I played this foolish game again. I’m so idiot.” Her voice is chocked, tears are running down pathetically.

“Yeah… I know. You can’t stop until you can make sure, right? You need proof, right? I understand, Kurapica.” He sighs. “But he doesn’t. You have to tell him, he has the right to know, to understand.”

“I can’t…”

“You have to try.”

“I’m scared…”

“I know.”

“I need him…”

“That’s why you need to tell him.” He said softly. “You have to let him in.” Kurapica sobs again, she coughs and draws a heavy yet shuddered breath.

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“For everything.” Kurapica sighs. “This is the umpteenth time I break down and threw all your dishes.” Leorio smiles and take his hand away from her eyes.

“Well,” He turns her so she could look at him. The girl is a mess. Her short damp blonde hair is everywhere and tears stain her face. “Look at the positive point; you didn’t break down for the last two years. Isn’t that the proof of you getting better?”

Kurapica smiles weakly. “Is Gon’s positive aura had gotten into you?” The said boy frowns in confusion and Killua holds back a laugh.

Leorio snorts. “Heh, I think you’re the one who need it the most.”

Kurapica smiles even more. She hugs him like hugging a giant teddy bear and Leorio let her. It’s not a big deal, they’re best friends after all and he has been doing this since he took her in three five years ago. She was at a worse state back then; had a nightmare every night, couldn’t stop the buzzing noises in her head, she was so unstable, couldn’t manage her emotion and was easy to break down. At those times, Leorio always held her, comforted her. When she had a nightmare or in a need of comfort, she would sneak in his room and clung to him. He let her be and hugged her. He would wake up if she couldn’t sleep, he would try his best to make her sleep again or simply stayed awake at her side and did something to distract her all night. He did all of it because he understood, because he cared of her. It was pathetic… herself is really pathetic. She has no idea how broken she was. She looks strong outside but broken and fragile inside, yet she refuses any help. She fights for something she doesn’t have to, she know but couldn’t stop and Leorio couldn’t stop her because she refuses his hand again and again. The guy has given his faith on Kuroro the very moment Kurapica decided to move in with him two years ago. He believes in the straight black haired man that maybe Kurapica will surrender to him, maybe she will trust him and let him help. But Leorio is wrong. The girl she has known since forever still stubbornly fights for the love she already has from her dear lover. Leorio sighs and hugs her tightly, inhales the sweet scent of her hair.

 

To be continue...

 


	3. Somewhere Unknown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because Kuroro wants to be closer, he opens that forbidden door, the door leading to Kurapica's inner heart...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Uh... i notice the lack of feeling in the chapters I had written and I noticed I did a lot of typo. Ugh, sorry orz. Thank you for reading this story, for giving kudos, for bookmarking this. But, can you guys speak to me please? I really want to know what you think about this. Thank you very much!
> 
> Um... so... happy reading!
> 
> Disclaimer: I think i never give a disclaimer huh? Well, I definitely don't own Hunter X Hunter no matter how much I want it to be mine.

Half-Winged Butterfly

III

_Sky was so blue. Clear and bright and beautiful. Sun shone so brightly, happy and cheerful like how summer supposed to be. There was no wind, no movement, no sound of birds, no nothing. Everything was so calm and peaceful._

_Kurapica stood there. Frozen like a statue, numb and deaf._

_A smile could be seen in front of her. Warm and kind and broken, a peaceful look of a teen who was ready run away._

_Then red color exploded like a fireworks, splattered everywhere and tainted the innocent blue sky. Angry, bright red colors invaded the blue briefly, blinded everything with its beauty, like roses in spring. It dispersed as soon as it appeared and the warm, kind smile in front of the blonde teen disappeared as well._

_Kurapica stood there numbly. Didn’t notice that she clutched her cell phone so tightly that her knuckles turned white. Her mind was blank, her body couldn’t move, her ears went deaf, her eyes kept staring at the innocent blue sky._

_Her phone kept ringing and vibrated violently. So loud and obnoxious, yet she couldn’t hear it._

_Someone shouted at her, screaming her name, yelling to her to stay away, to step back. She didn’t move and kept staring. She knew it was Leorio who screamed to her, who run to her and hugged her close from behind. He covered her eyes with his big hand, allowed her to escape to darkness._

_She screamed, roared to the massive world._

* * *

Kuroro calls Leorio, his lover’s door to escape, his lover’s bestfriend. He sits on a couch at his living room, head thrown back and his nose is pinched between thumb and index finger. When Leorio picks up, he doesn’t mind all polite greet and shoot straight to business; “Is she there?”

Leorio goes mute for a while, clears his throat and replies; “Yeah, but she went to work five minutes ago.”

“Oh...” Kuroro run a hand to his messy black hair.

“Hey... I,m—“

“Don’t.” The man sighs. He doesn’t need Leorio to apologize because it wasn’t his fault.

“Okay...”

“Yeah...”

A pause. None of them say anything but they don’t hang up either. Kuroro closes his eyes and sighs again. He is tired of all of this drama in his life. “Do you think she really loves me?”

“Do you?” Leorio asks back.

“I...” The black haired man mutters, unsure what to say. “I want to believe her. I really do. But, she never _trust_ _s_ me and, in return, makes me hard to trust her.”

“Kuroro, have you ever see her recent artworks?”

“No... She banned me to step in her art room. Why?”

“Well, she’s not there now” He could sense the soon-to-be-doctor guy grins. “Sneak in and take a look of her inner heart.”

Without waiting for a reply, Leorio hang up.

* * *

8\. Confusion

Kuroro didn’t know what to do with the girl whose body was limp in his hands. He panicked. He quickly lifted her bride-style and hurried to his car. He put her flat on the back seat, closed the door, and almost tripped himself on nothing but his own leg on the way to driver’s seat. When he was about to get in, he remembered the blonde’s bag was abandoned at the sandy floor of beach. Groaned, he ran back to get her bag, took scattered papers he could see and back to his car as fast as humanly possible.

He drove the car crazily fast like a madman in the middle of most important urgency yet he didn’t know where to go. Should he go to the hospital? No. In a time like this, shouldn’t he have to drive her to her house? Oh wait, she was homeless and spend the night at bus stop. Fantastic. Kuroro mentally banged his head to the window next to him.

When he panicked like that, a ringtone he didn’t recognize startled him. He realized it came from the blonde’s bag. He rummaged through her things in it and fished out her cell phone, stared at the phone with a frown. Now think about it, every time they met, she always used a different cell phone. The phone rang again and Kuroro answered the call.

“Kurapica! Where are you?” It was a man’s voice, a panicked one.

Before he could think, he blurted out, “Uuh... Look, Kurapica is faint.” Oh, great, now he sounded like a kidnapper.

“What? Who are you?” The man’s voice rose. Kuroro could feel the tension and rage in the voice.

“I’m Kuroro. A friend.” He said carefully. “We went to the beach and—“

“Beach? Oh, fuck...” The man cursed under his breath several times before he spoke again, “Listen, drive her to the bus stop you guys always meet at night—“ What? Kuroro frowned. How he knew the bus stop they always met? “—I’ll meet you there. How long ‘till you get there?”

Kuroro glanced to the speedometer. At this kind of crazy speed? “Two hours?” he said, unconvinced.

“Okay, see you there.” The line went dead.

Kuroro drove like crazy. It was such luck he didn’t get an accident because the three hours trip became two hours trip, even almost less than two hours. When he arrived at the bus stop, he saw a car with a tall man leaned against it. He parked right in front of the other’s car and got out. The short, spiky haired man hurried toward him, a worried expression was shown on his face even if his eyes hidden behind eyeglasses.

“Kuroro?” He asked.

“Yeah...” Kuroro scratched the back of his head.

“I’m Leorio.” They shook hands briefly. “Where’s she?”

Kuroro opened the back door and carried Kurapcia to Leorio’s car. The probably-younger-than-Kuroro man thanked him as he handed Kurapica’s bag and phone to him.

“Thanks a lot, Kuroro.” Leorio patted his shoulder, hurried to get in his car then disappeared to somewhere he didn’t know, leaving Kuroro who was greatly confused.

* * *

Kurapica walks slowly to the cafe. She doesn’t feel really well, but she has to go. She has to do something to distract her. Leorio insists that she has to rest but if she do nothing and sleep all day, the nightmare will haunt her again. Her cell phone vibrates in her pocket and she doesn’t bother to pick it up. She knows exactly who it is.

She arrives at the maid cafe, walks in and greeted by her boss—Pariston, who sits at one of the tables there while enjoying a cup of cofee, with his usual creepy, polite smile and fake cheerfulness. “Morning, darling. How’s your party last night?”

Kurapica glares at him. She never like her boss and decides to ignore him as she walks past him to the staff’s room. She doesn’t believe her temper at the moment and if she replied, she doesn’t know what poisonous words will come out her lips and destroy her day and mood even more.

But her boss is a persistent bastard. “Hey, don’t ignore me like that.” The blonde haired man with mortal smile fakes a hurt expression. He stands up, walks closer to her and snakes his hand to Kurapica’s waist. He whispers at her ear; “It’s rude, you know.”

Kurapica pushes him, swats his hand off her waist. “Don’t touch me.” She hisses sharply.

“How cruel~” The man’s smirk widened.

Kurapica frowns at his fake smile hatefully before opens the staff’s room, steps in and slams it right in front of his smiling face. She could never like this man. Pariston is a man who controlled others’ life with his smile. He will act nice to people, make them fond of him and trust him, help anybody who needs help without exception. But the help was a debt. When they owed him, he will control them like lifeless string puppet.

The girl remembers their first encounter as she changes to her stupid maid uniform. Kurapica has known Pariston since the age of thirteen, when she used to wander around the streets at night. Their encounter was ordinary; Kurapica sat on a swing at the park, stared blankly at the starless night sky, then Kuroro and two of his men came, beat a bulky old man savagely for unknown reason. Their strange relationship started from that moment.

They are not friends, but not ordinary acquaintance either. She doesn’t like the man, but she doesn’t have reason to hate him. Their relationship based on ‘give and take’ terms. She needs him and he needs her.

Kurapica was accepted as part of Pariston’s gang effortlessly. He and his gang was a good source of money. She needed the money for living and for Pairo’s medicine.

Pairo...

Kurapica stares dully at her locker. She has changed to her uniform which is so stupid for her taste.

_Where was he now?_

_Was he happy?_

She grits her teeth, and then slams the locker door harder than necessary. Why should she think about him now?

She turns around and noticed Ponzu, her beautiful acquintance from work, stares at her with wide eyes in shock; completely surprised by Kurapica’s torture to the poor, innocent locker. Kurapica, shocked by the other sgirl’s appearance too, quickly straightens herself and shrugs. She walks toward the door and Ponzu steps away a little. The younger teen nods slowly, timidly and Kurapica returns it with a small smile. She opens the door and walks out.

The moment the door shut behind her, she leans against it, head tilts back and eyes closes with her brows furrows deeply.

Pairo must have forgotten about her. That brat must be happy in his new place.

She tells herself again and again like a curse to herself;

Pairo had left her behind, Pairo happy with his new life, Pairo had left her behind, there is no reason to think about him anymore, Pairo had left her behind...

_“Let’s get outta here and live happily somewhere else.”_

Pairo had left her behind, brought nothing but himself.

_“...you, me, and Leorio...”_

Pairo had left...

_“Because we have nothing...”_

Kurapica stayed.

* * *

9\. Somewhere Unkown

Kurapica didn’t come for three weeks.

Kuroro waited for three weeks.

On the fourth weeks, the blonde girl sat at the bus stop. Her leg straight on asphalt, hands supported her body, head tilted back, black eyes stared blankly to dark sky. There was a big plastic bag beside her and her arm was around it, secured it tightly. Midnight wind blew softly, swayed her hair slightly, gracefully. Kuroro halted five steps beside the girl and locked his gaze to her breathlessly.

The man’s eyes widened. He didn’t expect the girl to show up this fast. He thought she might disappear for a month or two, or—the worst—would never come anymore. He had prepared himself for the worst. He thought she would disappear and left him like nothing had happened, like all their time together was unreal. But no, the girl didn’t disappear like he had thought. She was there and real… right? Or, he was delusional like the girl had said.

He stood still, tried to convince himself that the girl was real. But it didn’t last long because the girl tilted her head to the side and stared blankly at him. When he didn’t respond and keep stared dumbly, the girl shrugged and decided that the blank dark sky was more entertaining than a man stood like a statue. “Fine, be that way.” She pushed herself up, got to her feet, then started to walk away.

When she turned around on her heels, Kuroro snapped back to reality like it slapped him hard on his cheek. “W-wait!” he yelled. The black eyed man jogged a little to her and grabbed her wrist. “Wait I—“ the girl turned to him and all words swallowed back down his throat as identical black eyes bore to his. She eyed him, waiting for his words. After opened and closed his mouth like a hyperventilated fish, he looked down. “Do you… want vanilla milk?” he finally managed to ask something even though it was the most ridiculous thing to ask in this situation. Ugh, he started to hate himself. Why couldn’t he said something like; “Are you okay?” or, “Where are you for the last three weeks?” or anything better?

Kurapica stared at him in disbelief—as if she saw a clown ran after her, grabbed her wrist and confessed his feelings toward her with full clown make up on— then snorted. “What happened to ‘Hi, long time no see. Are you okay? I’m so worried about you, I can’t live without you, please be mine, and oh, you’re so beautiful.’ or something like that?”

Kuroro smiled and raised his head. “Well, looks like you’re a lot better.”

The blonde rolled her eyes. “Yeah, and no, I don’t want a vanilla milk.” She pulled her hand free and rubbed it. She pouted, averted her eyes somewhere else, waiting for the man to break the silence.

“Uh… Why don’t we sit like usual?” Kuroro said. The blonde girl looked at him, shrugged and headed back to the bus stop. They sat like they usually do; Kurapica stared at the blank sky and Kuroro stared everywhere but her. They didn’t say a thing but it was comfortable. Kuroro knew the girl noticed his presence and her attention was completely his. He knew the girl was uneasy, her leg bounced and her eyes twitched, tried really hard to not look, or even glance, at him. His theory was proved right when he playfully tilted his head to her with his mouth slightly open as if he was about to say something and the girl stared back at him almost at the same time. Kurapica’s eyes were rounded, demanding him to say something and Kuroro couldn’t help but chuckled a bit at her expression.

His chuckle annoyed Kurapica and the girl pouted. “Damn weirdo.” She spat, as he barked a laugh, and threw a plastic bag to the laughing man’s face.

“Hey!” Kuroro pried the plastic bag off of his face. “You don’t have to be rude! Sheesh…” The girl stuck out her tongue before looked away with a pout and pink dusted her cheeks.

Kuroro calmed down and smiled, he stared at the plastic bag curiously. “Hmmm… What’s this?”

Kurapica glanced to him then averted her gaze again. Her cheeks grew redder now. “That’s… a ‘thank you’ gift.” She shrugged as she heard the gift was opened. “Leorio insisted I have to give something to say thanks.”

Kuroro just ‘hmm’ed as he fished out the rather big gift, and opened the wrap paper completely. When he saw what it was, his eyes were as big as plate in awe and lost ability to speak. It was a painting of him, sat in completely white space in all black shirt and pants. The shirt looked so soft and the top two buttons was undone. In the painting, his head tilted down and his eyes closed but smiled peacefully as if he was trapped in a sweet dream. His legs straightened and separated. Between his legs, he held an opened book, which pages were flipped by unseen wind, with his hands. The painting was so amazing. He touched it carefully and felt his heart warmed a bit.

“You…” He muttered after sighed a couple times, “You made this for me? Wait, you spend the last three weeks to make this?” her neck and ears were completely red as an answer to his question. “You should at least tell me!”

The girl snorted and, finally, turned to look at him with a playful frown. “It’s called a gift because people who accept it don’t know what they receive.”

Kuroro laughed in agreement and Kurapica smiled a bit. He stared at the painting again, memorized all the beauty in it. He loved it and would treasure it dearly. He was thinking about where he should put it when he saw a writing scribbled at the end of the canvas. “What’s this?” He asked as he touched it carefully.

Kurapica stared at what he saw and made a face. “Ack, sorry! I forgot to erase it. it’s my habit to scribble down something. Let me fix it.” She reached out to the painting but Kuroro swatted her hand.

“Wait, it’s alright. I want to read it.” The girl voiced her protest but he wasn’t going to hear it and focused in the writing instead.

‘Somewhere unknown I sit

Thinking of answer I seek’

Kurapica struggled to grab the painting and the older man grabbed her hand stubbornly. “Oh, c’mon! let me erase it! It’s stupid!”

“No, no, no… I like it as it is.” The man’s gaze never leave the words scribbled down there.

The blonde huffed and surrender. She hugged her knees, sulked like a little girl who didn’t get her candy. “It’s stupid.” She insisted.

“Do you find it?” Kurapica stared confusedly at him. The man was staring to the painting thoughtfully as he continued; “Do you find the answer?”

Kurapica’s expression darkened. She put her chin on her knees and stared somewhere else blankly. She lost in her thought for a while before stuck out three fingers to him without moving her gaze. “Once upon a time, there were three best friends.” She said then raised one finger, “The first one was two years older than the rest of them. He was a cheery boy with smile as bright as sunshine, heart like silk, and positive aura radiated from him.” The second finger joined the first. “The second one, was a brunette boy. Fragile but beautiful, quiet but bright. He was the weakest among the trio but his words could make an atheist believe in God.” Then, as the third finger was raised, she finally looked straight to his eyes. “The last one was a blonde girl.” That’s all she said before she gave a pause to let Kuroro absorbed what she was going to tell him.

“Their parents,” she continued, “were a real jerk, people who were described as society’s junk. Abusive, alcoholic, jobless, druggie, you name it.

“The three of them were always together. They held each other hands, and dreamed to hit the road when they were ready and fled to somewhere better than that place they called home, a perfect world created by their dreams.

“The Cheery Boy’s grandparents found out about their only grandchild someday and took him with them. He went to school, had a nice house and bright future waiting for him. He was eleven that time. The Brunette and the Blonde realized it was such a crime to destroy his future and decided to fulfill their dream without him. The Cheery Boy keep played with them, oblivious to his friends’ plan to leave him behind in his much better life.

“A year after that, the Blonde’s parents left. She was ten that time and she had to go to the world of adult so she could live from their mercy. The Brunette’s parents, however, were still as abusive as ever. They were oblivious about their son’s poor immune system and ordered him to give them food and money mercilessly even though he had a fever.

“The two of them clung to their dream desperately. They made all plans and promises so when the time come, they’ll be more than ready. That was all they had; dreams, plans, promises, a fantasy about better life, about happiness in a perfect world. Their plans were simple; flee to nowhere, left everything behind, never to look back, escape as far as they could to nothingness.

“Five years later, the Brunette left the Blonde behind, fled before her eyes, brought nothing and never looked back.”

She stopped. Her eyes were unwavering and firm. It was hard to read her expression. It looked blank, but at the same time there was rage darkened her expression. “The Brunette brought nothing and left. The Blonde stayed.” She averted her gaze toward the sky again, “The Brunette left and all answers disappeared as well.”

Kuroro didn’t say anything. He knew what she was talking about. He didn’t know what the girl had been through and the story made him realize how cruel the world was to her. He came from a normal family without too much problems. He never had a big dream. All he wanted to do was to become a successful man and made his parents happy. He didn’t know what to say to a girl whose life was so screwed up from the very beginning. Instead, he asked something that popped to his mind that moment;

“What happened to the Blonde?” He tried to keep his expression calm because he simply didn’t know the right expression he had to put on his face.

The long haired girl froze for several heart beats then stared at him with the same expression as his; blank and calm. “The Cheery Boy came and took her in. He said she had to stay there and fixed what had gone wrong slowly and live a better life from then on.” She shrugged as she averted her gaze again. “The Blonde stuck in one place.”

Kuroro looked at the painting on his lap, thinking what the best words to voice his question. After considered this and that, he said carefully; “So… where is the Brunette now?”

Another silence. Kuroro waited for her answer and what she did was really simple; she raised her index finger in front of him, slowly, so slowly, she moved it down to his lap, without breaking eye contact, and pointed to two words.

Kuroro held his gaze for five seconds, then he looked down and stared dully at what she pointed;

‘Somewhere unknown’

* * *

_“Somewhere far, somewhere foreign, somewhere new… somewhere unreachable…”_

Those words used to be magical in old days.

Kurapica sighs and leans against the wall. The blonde haired girl is at the back of the café. She’s enjoying her break time alone rather than gossiping with the other maids. She lights a cigarette then inhales and exhales slowly, gracefully. There are countless men had went crazy by her simple movement of smoking. They all were lured, intoxicated with her charisma, and came to her like a bunch of hyenas. She never come to them first, they came to her and desperately worshipped her. She didn’t refuse them because they willingly gave up their money to her. She smiles ironically at the memories of those old days. That was very lame and ugly.

The back door opens with a shrill creak. She cringes at the sound then rolls his eyes at Pariston who smiles happily to her. “I thought you had stopped smoking.” He says as he closes the door.

Kurapica just shrug as a reply, eyes drawn to the blue sky. She did stop smoking right after Kuroro told her it wasn’t do any good for her. But what he doesn’t know is she still does it once in a while if she feels miserable and in a need of nicotine to calm her down.

“Let’s see…” Pariston rubs his chin thoughtfully as he walks closer to Kurapica. “Ah yes! You stopped two years ago, right? Because that man—Kuroro?—told you so.” He chuckles and leans closer to her face. “You’re so whipped.”

Kurapica’s eyes slowly moves back to him. Blue eyes stares sharply—but still remains her blank and cold expression. She inhales deeply, took the unfinished cigarette and throws it away before blows out the smoke to Pariston’s face. “It’s none of your business.” She says coldly.

Pariston’s smile grows wider. “That’s right.” He hums. The man’s hand moves to tuck some blonde locks behind her ears. “You cut your hair short because of him too, right?” the blonde doesn’t answer. She doesn’t squirm away either. She stands still, she knows how to handle this man and vice versa. “I like it long. You look so much—what’s the word? Hmm…” One hand is positioned on her hip. “Wild? Dangerous? Yeah… you look so much dangerous back then with long hair, make me shivered every time I saw you even from afar.” The other hand caresses her cheek. “But, short is good too. You look stunning.” The hand caresses her cheek down to her neck and rests there.

Pariston’s face leans closer, his leg pushes between her thighs. “You know the rule.” She states dully. Arms cross on against her chest, her face looks bored and the man smirks.

He puts his forehead on hers, eyes closes. “Yeah, I know.” He hums. “No money no touch.”

As he leans closer, lips just an inch away they could feel each other breath, Kurapica says so casually; “Doubled my salary this month.” Parsiton stops his motion.

The man steps back with his hands up, a sight of surrender. “Can’t do that.”

Kurapica snorts. “Stingy bastard.”

Pariston laughs. “Well, can’t deny that.” He shrugs and jabs his hands into his pants pocket. “I have a ‘party’ tonight, want to join it? Everybody miss your participation.”

“You know I’m quit, right?” She huffs and run her hand through her hair. In Pariston’s gang, ‘Party’ means hunt down someone who owe something to him and can’t pay him back in time then beat that person into pulp or they just have another gang war who mess with their territory. It was more fun than just collected the payment. His gang was little with ten members but have a great influence. Many people had fallen into his trap, he controlled them with his smile and noble manner.

“I know, I know. I just want to remember the old days.”

“Psh… I don’t want to remember.” She pauses. “You should stop this kind of business, it’s too dangerous. Someday karma will go get you.”

Pariston whistles. “You care?” He says in mock awe which annoys Kurapica more. “Wow! Is this the part when I have to realize my sins then regret it and become a real ‘good man’?” The blonde man snorts, mocks her concern. “You never care before so why care now? It doesn’t suit you.”

Kurapica looks at Pariston’s mocked eyes emotionlessly. He is right.

_“He—help…” Whined the bulky old man, whose eyes so round and nose oddly rectangular-shaped, to the thirteen years old Kurapica. The bulky old man was on his stomach, he had freshly new bruises and scratches caused by the ten guys who were around him._

_The girl eyed him emotionlessly. She sat on a swing, watched him being beaten up by a group of men and girls with half lidded eyes like watching a boring movie. The leader of that group, a blonde haired man with his casual outfits, a man who looked like a gentleman, turned around and saw her. The man eyed him interestedly. He clicked his tongue and smiled. “Well, young lady, do you mind to help him?”_

_Those guys’ motions stopped. All attention was drawn to her. She remained calm as she glanced to the poor fat old man before answered coldly; “Why should I?”_

_And all of them cheered like mad while the leader’s smile broadened._

She never cared before, so why care now? She smiles a cold smile, breaths a humorless little laugh to herself. It really doesn’t suit her. Why bother to care about others? They were stranger; they didn’t affect your well being. Anyone but yourself is a stranger; you don’t have to worry about them. It is you that’s matter. That is the lesson she learned from her life.

“Silly, huh?” She glances at Pariston briefly before tilts her head back to see the blue sky, her smile is empty and meaningless. “Guess you right.”

Oh how she _hates_ clear blue sky.

* * *

10\. Midnight Picnic

Their friendship returned to normal again. They met every midnight, chatted about silly things or just sit side by side. There was no a single midnight passed without they sat at the bus stop. It was really pleasant for them to spend some hours with each other. It left the tingling sensation on Kuroro’s fingertips every time he touched the blonde, made them twitch every time they were apart, made his lips curved downward every time he saw her.

The girl was more cheerful than before. She was laughing more and smiling more. She threw jokes every now and then. The girl always waited for him, she sat and glared at whoever stole a wondering glance at her. But when she noticed his footsteps, her face lit up and a smile adorned her face immediately. It was a beautiful real smile, not a bored empty or flirty smile she always gave him before. It was a smile came from heart, a smile which could charmed every single soul on the earth.

Kuroro always looked forward to see her smile every step he took closer to her.

One day, her words were inappropriate and Kuroro had to tell her to watch her words and behave. Kurapica laughed at him and mocked him; ‘Holy man with fuckin’ good manner’. But, he noticed, she never did that again after that day. It was when he noticed that nobody taught her how to behave nicely.

And Kuroro felt dizzy as a warm, tingling sensation run through his body when Kuroro caught a secret, little smile on her face. He could tell they were closer now, but not close enough and it made him unsatisfied, made him wanted to break the thin glass that separated them. He felt suffocated when he stared to those unnatural, deep black eyes. He felt drowning in the black water of intoxicating poison of her eyes. He felt the tug in his heart every time he could see the longing in her eyes. And Kuroro wanted _more._

Time flies by. Summer changed to autumn then turned to winter.

A week before Christmas, Kuroro walked from a boutique (he bought a new coat since the old one’s color started to fade) to his apartment. When he walked in front of an alley, he saw a flash of familiar golden in his peripheral vision and stopped his walk. He turned slightly to get a better view. His eyes was as round as a golf ball when he saw a group of twelve (nine males and three females) beaten up a skinny man. Two of them, one blonde man and one blonde girl, who Kuroro assumed as the group leaders, just stood and watched the others tortured their victim. What made his eyes widened so was not the fact about a group beaten up a defenseless man, but it was because he noticed the girl who stood still with her back on him.

“Kurapica?” He said hesitatedly.

The blonde girl glanced over her shoulder with cold sharp eyes, then turned with her usual sweet smile to him. “Hi! What a coincidence to meet you here.” She said cheerfully like the scene behind him did not exist.

“Uh… what… are you doing here?”

“Oh, it’s nothing.” She shrugged.

“Your friend?” The blonde man asked without even turn around. Kurapica just gave a short nod before looked back at him again.

“Look, I’ll be a little late, but… can you wait? I have something to give you. Okay?”

Kuroro nodded a little and then walked away when she mouthed ‘I’ll explain later’ and turned around to her friends. His mind went blank and then all information about Kurapica rushed back like waves. He wondered; what did she do? Why was she with that group? Kuroro was certain they were bad people. He remembered morning news about a group of teenagers was arrested because they stole a lot of alcoholic drinks from a minimarket. But those guys with Kurapica were not teenagers, they were adults, was she involved in some criminal group? He imagined her did drugs, smokes, drink alcohol, and steal from shops. With those thoughts dancing crazily in his head, he got home, did something he didn’t even remember, then walked to the bus stop when midnight slowly crept to the world.

Kurapica, as she already said, was late for twenty minutes. She carried a big duffel bag, which make him uneasy. Last time she brought a bag, they ended up in a mess. “Uhh… are we going to somewhere?” He asked.

Kurapica looked at him oddly. “Why? I think this place is good enough.”

“Oh…” He said then blinked confusedly. “Sooo… what do you bring?”

“This?” She pointed to her bag and grinned. “Help me with this and you’ll know.”

Without waiting for a reply, she put the bag beside her feet then fished out a green picnic blanket. She handed it to Kuroro and told him to spread it nicely. Next, they sat there and Kurapica fished out a mini cake, two tea cups, a thermos, two puddings, and some small spoons and forks.

Kuroro frowned thoughtfully as the blonde girl poured warm tea to the tea cups. “Midnight picnic?” He guessed.

“Ding, ding, ding, bingo!” She cheered and handed the cup.

Kuroro took the cup. “Why picnic?”

“Why not?”

“No, I mean… seriously? Here?” He waved his hand everywhere to elaborate his point. They had a picnic, at midnight, and at _bus stop._

“Well, there’s no law that said we can’t have a picnic here.” Hmm… that’s right. Government really have to make the laws as detail as possible because there’s a lot of people like Kurapica who gratefully uses the hole in law to their advantage. Really. “Besides,” she continued, “you already had dinner, right?” He nodded to her question. He mentally thanked God they had a picnic at time when people were in deep slumber. “So consider this as desert.” She winked.

Kuroro rolled his eyes. “Don’t you will be fat if eating sweets at this kind of hour?”

“Oh, please. Do I look like a person who has a lot of money for food?”

Right. The man bit his tongue, he felt stupid. This girl is poor.

So they had a midnight picnic at bus stop. It was enjoyable even though it was cold. Kurapica mixed the tea with ginger to keep their bodies warm. They chatted lightly while ate their little slices of cake and their chocolate puddings. And the dizziness came back again. He felt his skin tingled when Kurapica handed the plates and their fingertips would brush or just separated an inch. His fingers twitched when the blonde licked her chocolate coated fingertips with her pink tongue. Something tugged at his heart and he was unsatisfied.

So Kuroro complimented her puddings to get rid of the weird feeling of wanting more and the girl arrogantly said; “Ofcourse, it’s _me_ who made it.” and the man laughed heartedly. After that, Kurapica glared and yelled; “Mind your own shit, fucker!” to a couple who walked and stared boldly at them and whispered at each other. They probably just about to go home after enjoy a great time in a club considered from the way they walked; wobbly and tipsy.

“I thought I said to you to watch your words and behave.” He said when the couple fled like a cat got caught red-handed stealing a fish.

Kurapica huffed and pouted, she crossed her arms before said; “I’ll watch my words and behave to _you._ Not to those brainless people.”

Oh. The man massaged his temple as he sighed. He understood now. The girl acted nice and listened to people she thought worth for it but she acted as she like to people she hate or categorized as ‘outsiders’ in her life.

“What?” Kurapica snapped as she lit up a cigarette. Kuroro watched the girl as she inhaled deeply and eyelids dropped close slowly, enjoyed the delicious poison of nicotine ran through her blood. After a few heart beats, she exhaled the white smoke to cold, thin air, with her eyes half lidded. Dark eyes glowed dimly through long eyelashes. With the white smoke danced around her, she looked like a goddess of seventh heaven. The man’s heart thundered loudly, hammered against his ribcage, as if demanding to be free, without him realizing it. Her movement was so simple and usual for people who smoke, but it looked so graceful when she did it. How could she make it looked beautiful? Suddenly, Kuroro found it hard to swallow and he held his breathe. She was so graceful, so inviting, alluring. How many men had fall to her simple act? Didn’t she know her slow motion invite men?

“Hey…” He managed to breathe again. Kurapica stared to the white smoke momentarily before slowly tilted her head to him, her unnatural black eyes demanded him to continue. “What did you do on that alley?”

“Nothing you have to care about.” She shrugged nonchalantly.

What with her diction? He didn’t even have the right to care? “You said you’ll explain.” He insisted.

“I _am_ explaining.”

“You’re so informative.” Kuroro sighed in defeat. If she didn’t want to tell you about something, she won’t.

“You’re welcome.” She snorted.

Kurapica was back to her unhealthy activity silently and Kuroro rubbed his palms together, tried to warm up his frozen fingertips. It was super cold and the man thought he would freeze to death or got hypothermia. But he didn’t want to end the night just yet. He had to admit he really enjoy the blonde girl’s company and found it harder and harder to say ‘Good bye’ or ‘See you later’ every time they had to separate. He spent his time to stare at Kurapica blankly, treasured every single thing he could see from her.

When Kurapica jabbed the short cigarette to asphalt, he suddenly felt the urge to say something. “Don’t you have to go home now?” He asked, rubbing his palms together to hide his nervousness. Why he asked about going home even though he wanted longer time with her was beyond him and maybe it was because his nervousness or maybe because he felt dizzy and his heart wouldn’t stop hammered against his ribcage.

Kurapica looked at him with her eyebrows rose high, as if asked ‘Don’t you want a longer time with me?’ but maybe it just Kuroro imagining things. “Well,” she said, “No one home right now.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, Leorio went to his grandparents’ house until January. Gon and Killua are spending their holiday at Kujira Island, you know, that tropical island about ten hours from here, Gon lives with his aunt there. So, I’m all alone until holiday end.” She shrugged.

“Who’s Gon and Killua?”

“Leorio’s students. Well, he does a side job as private teacher for them and they often stay to sleepover. They’re an interesting pair to watch.” She grinned at the memories of people Kuroro didn’t know. “Maybe I should get extra shift to spend my unproductive lazy times.” She murmured thoughtfully.

“Why don’t you go with Leorio?”

Kurapica narrowed her eyes, she bit her lower lips, struggling to find the right words. “His grandparents…” She hesitated and sighed, “They’re too nice… I just… I…” She let a long, desperate sigh.

“What’s wrong with being too nice?”

The blonde girl ran a hand through her smooth hair. “They make me feel like I’m a little porcelain doll.” She hugged her knees. “They’re nice and kind, I love them. But, they treat me like I’ll break anytime if they push the wrong button. They make me feel like I’m weak and fragile.” Her expression was somewhat cold, there was also a hint of hatred in her voice. “I didn’t like it… feeling weak and fragile I mean.” She said lowly and slowly. “But, don’t get me wrong. I visit them sometimes and Leorio will actually bitch—I’m sorry, I mean, push and nag me to visit them at New Year.”

Kuroro just nodded. He never understands why some people feel uneasy with others’ kindness. When he was in sixth grade, there was a kid who was bullied. One day, when Kuroro was walking on school’s empty hallway, he saw the kid kneeled and gathered his books. Kuroro picked one up and handed it to him because he was raised that way. But instead of thanked him, the kid snatched the book from him, shove it to his bag then—after gave a murderous, watery glare—turned around and stomped away. He didn’t understand back then and still didn’t understand before Kurapica said her feelings about Leorio grandparents. People don’t like to feel weak, that’s why kindness sometimes feels so annoying.

He snapped out of his thought when he realized Kurapica was blabbering about how boring the holiday was because she will be all alone in Leorio’s apartment all day and Kuroro wasn’t even listening! Then something clicked in his mind, and idea popped gloriously. Before Kurapica even finished her speech about how boring the holiday was, he blurted his idea innocently;

“Then why don’t you spend Christmas with me?”

* * *

Kuroro sighs loudly as he walks out the bathroom. He can’t believe his boss called him to go to the office even though he just arrived at home at 1:30 in the morning! Urgh… he really wants to smack that white haired man soooo badly. He gets dressed as he makes the most horrible scenario to mentally kill him. Mentally, because he still has a life to live and dream to fulfill. If he has to die, at least he has to have a nice simple house, have two children; male and female, and probably have a dog. Then, when he retires, he will spend his old years traveling around the world with Kurapica, hand in hand, and die together. The end. Happy end. Hmm… that’s really nice.

He combs his black hair backward, ties his black tie and steps out his room. That’s when he see Kurapica’s door across his and remembers his conversation with Leorio. He eyes the door like a child who eyes his father timidly. The man remembers how Kurapica is so strict about steps in her room. She prohibits him to even steal a glance let alone steps in. But, Leorio was right. She isn’t even here. If he steps in and leaves without touch anything, maybe… maybe the girl wouldn’t notice… right? Hope so. But, it won’t hurt to try, hm?

With those in mind, he reaches the door knob, half hoping she locked it, but unfortunately she didn’t and the door opens with a small _creak._ The door is ajar and Kuroro stops immediately in surprise—he really opens the forbidden area. His heart thumps loudly and his palm soaked in cold-sweat. He closes his eyes, takes a really, really deep breath, and dares himself to step in the girl’s room and shuts it with a soft _click_ behind him.

He stares at the room interestedly. It was such a mess. Papers of sketches are scattered everywhere; some on the floor, some on the desk or on top of cabinet, some in her catastrophic bed, but the majority were glued to the wall. Crumpled papers and unused, broken drawing equipments are thrown everywhere and make Kuroro wondered whether the blonde know the use of trash can, while the new or still used drawing equipments were placed nicely on the bed, on top of sketches which were became the bed sheets. Ton of canvases on the floor are pushed on the wall and some of it are hung on wall as messy as the papers. The canvases on the wall are paintings of people he knew as Kurapica’s close friends or considered as family and a few of unfamiliar face to him.

He walks to the wall across the door for further inspection, careful with his step so he doesn’t trip on anything and cringes when he bumps a half done painting on the easel, makes the blue color at the edge smudge slightly. Oblivious to what he has done, he finally manages to get closer to the canvases.

From the left, it is a painting of Leorio, followed by Gon, Killua, a red-haired woman named Mito (Gon’s aunt who he met a year ago), Leorio’s grandparents, and then a painting of Kuroro. Her drawing is still as amazing as always, improved even, no wonder many famous artists always asks her to put her work in their exhibition, but the girl always say ‘no’ to them. When they asked her reason, she said she didn’t want some brainless criticism said something stupid about her art because they’re not understand her and it’s because they’re brainless people who pretend to have a brain for arts. And of course she said her comment with a lot of profanities.

No one could argue with her at that, even the artists just gaped then laughed nervously because she was absolutely right and they left her alone. But they never tired to try convincing her every time they have and exhibition.

He moves his gaze to another wall where paintings of people he doesn’t familiar with placed nicely. Placed at the highest was a painting of two boys hand in hand with a girl between them, stare at sunset. They were painted from behind so he couldn’t see their face, but he is certain it was Kurapica, Leorio and the brunette from her story three years ago. As usual, something is scribbled at the bottom;

‘Unreachable dream’

Beneath it is a painting of a young couple with blonde hair and deep blue eyes. They are smiling at each other, eyes adorned with love and hands intertwine. But the words which are scribbled at the edge said something opposite the warming and loving atmosphere of them;

‘Fake and evil

Give birth to empty shell

Shake, crumble then broken

Fake, fake, fake…’

Next to the lovers’ painting, there is a painting of the blonde young woman with eyes closed and covered in pure white sundress, her background is mirror which reflects her back. At the reflection, she has black-purplish wings which looks so broken and its feathers are messy. The words written there is;

‘Fake and evil

Beautiful and broken

May no longer escape

O poor Rapunzel

Can no longer weep for her knight

For her breath has been taken away’

On the right side of the lovers’ painting is a painting of the man. He is handsome and firm-build. Blue eyes strong and hard, wear a broken, scratched armor as if he just experienced a never ending battle. His back ground is a view of after war with a lot of warriors’ corpses everywhere and wooden cross are planted everywhere and the sky is black, purple, and blue.

‘Fake and evil

The princess less knight

Rapunzel can no longer be heard

O poor knight

Where do you have to run to?

For you are trapped as well?’

Kuroro frowns, he never understand his lover’s poems, especially if what she wrote is the opposite from what she draws. Maybe it is her life experience makes her see through the surface he could never see and her inability to communicate properly make her paintings and poems so hard to understand. But still, it is beautiful, makes people think deeper about their life. Because everything is never as it is.

Beneath the three paintings is a painting of a brunette boy of Gon’s and Killua’s age. His blue eyes shine kindly and warmly, his smile is sincere and beautiful. The painting is half-done, it looks like Kurapica couldn’t decide the right background for the boy so some colors are smudged here and there.

‘Liar with holy light

Escape with something isn’t his

Where do you take mine to?’

Some lines beneath it are smudged so he can’t read it. But under those smudged lines is a single line;

‘Where do you end up at?’

The man shakes his head. All her writings are confusing and he can’t stand to look at it any longer, it makes his head throbbed a little. Leorio said that he would understand Kurapica’s feelings if he walked in her room, said her room was a reflection of her heart. But he just gets more confused after walked in. He can’t get his answer. Kuroro sighs and absentmindedly averts his gaze to some sketches on the wall.

And that’s when time stops ticking.

His eyes widened in realization that all sketches on the wall were all about him; he stares out the window, he sleeps peacefully, he laughs, he smiles, he pouts, he reads a book, he looks bored, his back, his face close-up, and many more.

He freezes on his spot. His mouth slightly agape, eyes widened, his expression is mixed between awe and unbelieving. His eyes move slowly, from left to right, up and down, until rests on the painting of him at canvas. All noises are disappeared as he just realized Kurapica wrote something there;

‘No words can describe

No words can express

Because with him

Words are unnecessary

Because with him

The silence is enough’

Kuroro steps backward slowly, eyes focused on the poem in adoration. This is why Leorio told him to not doubt her feeling, this is the proof of Kurapica’s feeling toward him. A smile forms in his face slowly, happiness floods in his heart, make him warm and feel blissful. Kurapica is right, there’s no word can explain about the feelings they feel all this time. They understand each other just fine, they never need to say it, there is no need of proof to explain. Because they simply understand. Kuroro knows what he needs to know is not about her feeling to him, but he needs to know why she keep cheating again and again purposely like she begs him to hate her. He knows it, but he is stubbornly thought that Kurapica is just using him.

He keeps steps backward until he bumps a desk and makes a box and a book fall to the floor with a loud _thump_ and _thud._ He snapped out of his internal conflict and looks down at the mess he has created. He frowns guiltily then crouches to put them back on their proper place. The book is Kurapica’s diary, Kuroro shuts the book quickly when he recognized it. He has invaded her personal space and he has no desire to venture deeper through her secrets. The box’s contents are some papers and envelopes which are scattered around the box because of the fall. He reaches one of the envelopes and read the letter inside it out of curiosity.

When he reads it, he froze with his eyes as big as golf ball.

To be continued...

 

 

 


	4. Dearly Beloved

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, I intended to post this chapter on Christmas day or on New Year day. But life decided to goo crazy... haha... and then I am distracted by Big Hero 6. Oh my goodness, I really do have weak spot for cute little thing like Hiro Hamada and now I just head over heels toward him. 
> 
> And, oh wow, I didn't expect to get that much kudos! Thank you very much! I love you guys! You're awesome. Please forgive me because of my unscheduled posts. I need time to figure out the plot and maybe there is 3 chapters left, I'm not really sure... so pleeaaseeee be patient with me? 
> 
> Oh! I disclaim HXH, Tears in Heaven, and Dearly Beloved as mine.
> 
> Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! 
> 
> Happy reading!

Half-Winged Butterfly

IV

Kurapica stares down to her phone, Kuroro has been trying to contact her but she purposely ignores them. She doesn’t want to talk to him right now. She is fed up with all the fights they have had for the last four months. She doesn’t understand why Kuroro suddenly cares about her, didn’t she has made it clear for him that she doesn’t need his concern? He makes her angry, she doesn’t want him to care about her. She is not a baby. He doesn’t has the right to care about her, only Leorio has that right. Only him and nobody else. All Kuroro has to do is just stay by her side anad accepts her, the way she accept him. She never asks anything from Kuroro because she doesn’t need anything beside Kuroro. Why can’t he see it? Why can’t he understand?

The short-haired blonde sighed again. Kuroro has stopped contact her for ten minutes now, so she thinks it is okay to open her cell phone. It is not a surprise to find hundreds miss calls and messages from him. He always does that if they have a fight and Kurapica runs off to nowhere. Rolling her eyes, Kurapica opens the last message from Kuroro;

Kuroro

We need to talk. I’ll be home around 9

She snorted. Talk? Yeah… why not? Let’s talk and see if she will listen to whatever preach he is going to give her.

~Half-Winged Butterfly~

11\. Christmas

When he stopped his car at the bus stop to pick up the blonde girl, she was sitting on the bench and was talking flirtatiously with a rather handsome man and was giving him a lazy smile. The smile was _that_ smile; dark, fake, unfocused smile she used to give him a few months ago. Her half-lidded eyes showed no interest to the man at all but yet the way she moved her slightly glossy, thin lips was really alluring. He could tell the poor man was drooling mentally. Kuroro wondered how much would the man gave to her just to have her for a night, for a really short pleasure. If the man was rich, it wasn’t a problem. But if he just—

Kuroro snapped out of his thoughts when the man leaned dangerously close to her and she let him. The black haired man shouted; “Hey!” to her loudly and made them jumped out of their skin. Kurapica’s head snapped to the car and she grinned. “You want to go with me or what?”

She rolled her eyes, turned to the guy beside her and walked toward Kuroro after said a farewell to her poor victim. “Jealous much?” She winked as she leaned to the driver’s window. She dressed in black simple dress with an artificial white rose pinned to left chest, and thick, black stockings with matching black boots. She wore her usual fur-lined coat over the dress. “Seeing at how I dressed myself, I expect to go somewhere really nice, luxurious and have a five-ranked food that will make you broke for the rest of your life.”

Kuroro rolled his eyes. “Can’t you give me mercy?”

“Oh, well, how about broke for the rest of your holiday?”

They broke into a laugh together. Kurapica circled the car and got in to the front passenger seat beside her friend, and Kuroro started to drive his car. They chatted lightly about little things like food or traffic or snow or anything, sung along the radio, then fell to a comfortable silence.

Kurapica rolled down the window and Kuroro glanced at her quizzically. Wasn’t it cold outside? His confused eyes soon turned into a scowl once the teen lit up her cigarette. He stopped at the red light and took the cigarette from the blonde.

“Hey!” She protested. Kuroro threw it out the window. “You have to pay for that.”

“Okay.” He fished out a lollipop from his coat pocket, opened the wrapper and held it for her. “Eat this.”

“You think I’m a kid?” She huffed.

“Well, this candy is better than your cancer stick.”

“And why this couldn’t be a bad-for-your-teeth stick?”

“Because you’ll live without your teeth.”

Kurapica rolled her eyes because she knew she lost the battle and took the lollipop to her mouth. Kuroro smiled and muttered something about strawberry flavor and drove again as the green light shone happily. Kurapica moved the candy left and right, enjoyed the strawberry and milk flavored lollipop as she sug random Christmas songs.

They arrived at a restaurant. It was a nice one; not too luxurious but not cheap looking either. It was a nice ordinary restaurant. Kuroro parked his car and turned it off. He got out and intended to open the blonde’s door but she opened it at the same time as him. It made him somehow disappointed. But maybe Kurapica just was not one of those girls who wanted to be treated like a queen.

Kuroro took the girl’s hand and when she looked up with an annoyed expression, the man just grinned then dragged her to the restaurant.

Once they were inside, Kuroro took her coat off like a gentleman he was. Kurapica was too busy staring at the interior to protest Kuroro manner toward her. She looked awed with the vintage interior with some touch of gothic here and there. She silently checked out some paintings on the wall as Kuroro gently led her to a spot he had booked. He pulled the chair for Kurapica but the girl, still staring at some other paintings, reached the chair at the other end of the table for herself then sat there with eyes wandering here and there brightly even though her expression remained blank. She was about to say something to Kuroro but frowned when she the man still stood behind the chair with an annoyed look.

“Uhh…” She raised an eyebrow. “You gonna sit there or what?” Kuroro rolled his eyes then sat there quietly. “This place is really good, especially the interior.” The blonde commented. “But some paintings didn’t suit this place, like that painting over there, I think—is there something wrong?” She snapped when she caught the man smirked at her.

“No.” Kuroro said distractedly as a waiter handed two menus for them. “What do you want to eat?” His eyes scanned the black with golden edge menu.

Kurapica just glanced at it briefly before put it at the table again. “I’ll get the same as you. I’m not picky.” She smirked when Kuroro Frowned, thought about his choice then told the waiter what he wanted. “Are we going to drink wine?”

Kuroro stared at her. “You’re underage.” He handed the menu to the waiter, the blonde mimicked him.

“So?” Kurapica leaned in, rested her chin on the back of her palm elegantly.

“So no wine.”

The blonde girl leaned back, crossed her hands, and her cocky smile widened. “It’s not like I never do something against law.”

Kuroro grimaced mentally at her words. Such a cruel world had stained her innocent in such a young age, he thought. “Well, I know you’ll like this place.”

Kurapica nodded. She didn’t mind the sudden change of topic. “Yeah, this is a good place; comfy and nice.”

“So, why is that painting isn’t good for this place?” He pointed at the painting she had talked about before.

Kuroro smiled warmly when her eyes lit up and she began talked about paintings and colors, and other artistic things Kuroro didn’t really understand, enthusiastically. Kuroro listened to whatever she said interestedly, happy that he knew one thing the blonde really like. He input his thought very now and then. Asked about something he didn’t understand and the blonde would answer him with long speech about arts, colours, beauty, and hidden meaning in artworks. She was talking about the beauty of a painting she saw in a exhibition two weeks ago when the waiter cam and put their food. She stopped her rant and smiled sheepishly at him, waited for the waiter to leave.

“I’m sorry...” She played with her fork. “Did I... bore you?”

Kuroro looked up and smiled. “No. It was really interesting.”

She huffed. “You’re lying.”

“I’m not!” Kuroro looked genuinely offended which made the blonde averted her gaze to her food. “I mean, I never see arts through the surface. I always see it as it is. So, this is a really knowledge.”

Kurapica kept her head down. She secretly let a smile adorned her face.

~xXxHalf-Winged ButterflyxXx~

Kuroro sits at his office room as he types the report his boss asked him distractedly. The man sucks a breath trough his teeth and deletes the last paragraph of his report, which he has been writing for the last two hours, angrily. He leans back to his chair, run his hand over his face. The black haired man lets out a heavy sigh as he closes his eyes, tried to clear his mind as he kneaded the bridge of his nose.

His mind wanders to Kurapica again, to the intoxicating blonde with captivating blue eyes. Kurapica was always a mystery to him and he like the challenge she gave. It was a blessing and a curse as well. Because living with Kurapica made his monochrome life became colorfull, technicolor, but it also frustated him to no end. She played with his feeling, forced him into countless ridiculous games again and again. And he hates the fact that he enjoys them sometimes.

But then, he grows tired of games and wants to step into a more serious step with Kurapica because he is so infantuated with the blonde and care about her much to her dismay. Kurapica hates it when Kuroro cares about her. But the black-haired man coudn't help it. He cares so fucking much it hurts to see her walks deeper into the lake of despair. And yet, Kurapica refuses to be saved for no reason, much to Kuroro's dismay. 

They were fine before Kuroro tried to save her. They were fine with Kurapica destroyed herself and Kuroro did nothing about it. They were fine with Kuroro knew something was wrong but had no idea what it was. They were so fine with Kurapica's random mental break downs and kuroro's fail attempts to hold her because she would run into Leorio's hands. They were fine with her broken heart's pieces scattered on the floor and her silent scream to Kuroro, told him to stay away or he would get hurt.

They were fine. Really, really, fine. But, no! He had had enough. Enough with him sat around and pretended that everything was alright. Enough with all the ignorance toward all errors he knew was there. He will take a risk and save her. It doesn't matter if he gets hurt because it will be nothing compared to her pain.

That's why he crossed the line Kurapica has made. That's why he has been asking her to stop her games, to tell him what's wrong, beg her to let him help. That's why they have been fighting for the last four months; Kuroro confronted her, Kurapica told him to fuck off, and so on, so forth. Then, he noticed, it wasn't enough. The blonde would not let him in unless Kuroro break the door and reach her. That's why he screamed at her and slapped her this morning. 

That's why he stepped in her room.

Kuroro licks his bottom lip and pull the drawer on his desk open and takes the envelopes he has took from Kurapica's box. He examines each envelope and sighs, and then mutters to himself;

"I think, stepped in her room resulted in more than knowing how she feels about me, Leorio."

~Half-Winged Butterfly~

12\. Heaven

So the date was really good. Perfect, even, in Kuroro's opinion. Kurapica had enjoyed the food, espesially the dessert. She had asked about his family, had asked what kind of art they like. And the most treasured moment in that date was the smile. Before, she looked so beautiful in her old smiles; confident smiles, cocky smiles, elegant smiles, all of them make her looked like a celebrity; a person who is unreachable. But now, at that moment, her smile make her glowed, a really warm glow that make her looked so young and beautiful, like a real person.

Kuroro was on cloud nine, in a state of an intoxicating bliss, drunk of her smile. So Kuroro reached out his hand because he wanted to treat her like a princess and her princess shrugged and took his hand because she thought it was okay to let him treat her that way. 

She let him help her put on her coat, let him held her hand as they walked out the restaurant and headed toward his car. She let him opened the door for her and closed it as well, when Kuroro finally sat beside her, she stared at his black eyes. She stared, and stared, and stared, and then decided that _yes_ this moment was really nice. It was really nice and good and she knew she was happy because her stomach fluttered and her heart felt so much warmer. So when she noticed they were just staring at each other, with Kuroro's onyx eyes searched for something and his waiting smile, Kurapica breathed out a tiny laugh and smiled at him. She smiled that special, honest smile which reached her unnatural black eyes.

Kuroro was charmed by her smile. The sensation of wanting more rushed back to him. His fingertips tingled and twitched. He wanted to touch her cheeks, cup it in his hands, wanted to brush his fingertips on that inviting lips, to feel how soft they would be. He wanted to run his fingers upon the beautiful golden hairs, to bring those locks on to his nose and inhaled the addictive scent of honey and cigarettes. He wanted to laced his fingers with hers, wondered if it would fit perfectly.

Kuroro was in awe, amazed, infatuated. He knew the color of her eyes were not natural, but yet he could not help but felt electrocuted in low voltage which ran from his fingertips to his thundered heart. They hold on to each other gaze for another minute, before Kuroro had to fight down the urge to lean closer and close the distance. He was the first to break eye contact and break the spell. 

Kuroro felt the gaze left him and secretly sighed in relief. His hand was shaking, and he missed three times to thrust the key in the ignition. He managed to stick the key after licked his lips and swallowed hard, after the shake was down. The black haired man sighed and twisted the key. His car hummed into life for a while and then decided that it liked its sleep and refused to be awakened.

Kuroro frowned in anger. "The fuck?" He hissed and tried again, but his car didn't budge. "Shit!" 

When he was busying himself, Kurapica suddenly laughed out loud. She cackled like she had seen the most hilarious event in her life. Her face flushed and she held her stomach. Kuroro was taken a back at her laugh, he raised an eyebrow and asked; "What's so funny?"

Kurapica tried her best to calmed her laugh down to a giggle before she replied between her gasps of laugh; "Well-- it just--" She turned her head to suppress another laugh, "You said to me to watch my words and behave, but now look at you!" Then she broke into another fit of laugh.

Kuroro blushed, embarassed. "Well, it's not funny..." He said lamely.

"Whatever..." Giggled, "Uh, the point is, your car is broke." Kuroro rolled his eyes and muttered something like: 'Yeah, thanks, Ms. Obvious.' but Kurapica didn't pay attention at that. "I know someone who is willing to come all the way here, fix this car, then you'll find your car at your garage, as good as new. For free." 

The man five years her senior looked at her with narrowed eyes. "Really?" He was not amused.

"Well, free for me, though..." She shrugged.

Now, he was shocked. "Seriously?" 

Kurapica wanted to laugh at his widened eyes and annoyed at his disbelief. She settled to roll her eyes and huff. "Look, just trut me. Okay?" She didn't wait for his reply and get out the car. When Kuroro followed her suit, approached her, and about to say something, Kurapica had her phone one her ear and raised index finger to shush him.

"Hey, it's me." She said to the phone. "I have a problem. Can you fix it?"

Uh-huh, Kuroro thought, that's really polite.

Kurapica laughed, mocking whoever she was talking with. "You owe me one, remember?" A brief pause, and then she smiled darkly. "Aw,don't be so rude. l covered your ass that day, right?" She giggled evily then beamed at him after pocketed her phone. "All's good!"

So they left the car because kurapica said the man will take care of it. Kuroro wanted to take a cab to drive her home but she rolled her eyes and punched him on the shoulder; "Oh, come on! Use your youth to enjoy this moment!" then she ran off.

At first, Kuroro thought she was having that beach episode. But when she turned a little to glance at him, gave him a challenging smile while walked backwards and twitched her index fingers, told him to come and get her, the man sighed a little then chuckled. He dashed toward her with a wide grin stretched from ear to ear.

They ran on the sidewalk, through the night, through the crowd of meaningless human, with the streetlights as their spotlights. Kurapica would laugh heartedly and hide behind the curtain of human for a while, and Kuroro would try to find her, peek through the monochrome bodies to catch the technicolor fairy. Their breath became hard and heavy, white smoke puffed out of their mouths and noses, but it was alright because the sensation that ran through his vein made him giddy, like he was five, like ten, like fifteen, when everyday was so bright and everything was so right.

He didn't know how Kurapica managed to dance through the crowd so gracefully, successfully avoided those bodies with light steps while he kept stumbled and bumped into them. He didn't know how long they had been running, but the people eventually thinned, and his feet grew tired. So he decided to use his last energy to run and catch her. He draped an arm around her shoulders to prevent her from running away from him and Kurapica let out a yelp before laughed giddily. Kuroro waited until his breath calmed down, then laughed along with her. White smokes of laughter floated to the air, danced briefly before dispersed.

Kuroro held her hand and lead them to walk in comfortable slow pace. She didn't protest, didn't stiffened, didn't squirmed and try to get away. But she didn't hold his hand either, she just let him held hers, but it was okay, it was enough. After some miles, he wanted to lace their fingers together, to see if they would fit perfectly together, to see if she would snapped her hand back from him or she would let him or she would hold him back. But before he could do it, Kurapica suddenly looked up and said;

"Snow..."

Kuroro looked up as well and saw the white dots fell gracefully from heaven. "Yeah..." He said, becuse he was unsure of what to say and he knew she was waiting a reply from him. He turned his attention back to her again, to see her enjoying the white dots danced on the air. "It's beautiful."

Kurapica smilded warmly and Kuroro wondered if she knew what he meant. The girl stopped walking, she inhaled deeply then begun to sing an old song;

_Would you know my name_

_If I saw you in heaven?_

_Would it be the same_

_If I saw you in heaven?_

_I must be strong_

_And carry on,_

_'Cause I know I don't belong_

_Here in heaven._

Her voice was so beautiful, like those people who sing in the church, clear and soft. Her eyes became dull again, became unfocused again. When she was like this, usually her expression was blank, but now, somehow, Kuroro could see a longing in her expression, like she was almost pleading. Kuroro watched her sing, heard her voice, stood beside her quietly. Like a statue, like a tree...

_Would you hold my hand_

_If I saw you in heaven?_

_Would you help me stand_

_If I saw you in heaven?_

_I'll find my way_

_Through night and day,_

_'Cause I know I just can't stay_

_Here in heaven._

She was about to continue--she had inhaled, had opened her mouth, but then... She slowly closed it again, swallowed once, swallowed back everything she had wanted to say, and just stared at the falling snow. Numb, and empty.

She put her free hand up, palm faced the sky, like she wanted to reach something, to touch something. "Heaven, huh?" She smiled, but it was forced, like she was laughing at herself, mocking at her own thoughts. Then she flinched, "Ouch!" She closed her eyes in pain, head snapped down, "Ow... There's something in my eye."

"You okay?" Kuroro was now in front of her, hands grabbed her shoulders. 

Kurapica nodded her head, bangs covered her face. "Uh, yeah... Ah! My contact dropped!"

"You have problem seeing without your contact?"

"No, my eyesight is good. I just like the color. Man, it itches!" 

Kurapica rubbed her eyes, but her company held her hands and lowered them, "Don't rub it!" Kuroro touched her cheek with one hand, lifted her face up, "Let me see."

She grunted in protest, but she opened her eyes slowly. Kuroro breath stopped when electric blue met deep black. Her left eye was now blue, deep blue. Like the sky, like sapphire, like his dream. It was so beautiful, perfect, fit her feature completely.

Her deep, deep, blue eye glowed dimly in the dark, like a shining jewel, drowned him in her depth. He exhaled softly after a while, after the blue was half-closed by an eyelid, shadowed by thick, dark eyelashes.

Kurapica held Kuroro's hand, tightened her hold softly as if to tell him to not let go. Before he knew it, he was leaning closer and closer to her, closing the distance between them, like he was pulled. Kurapica's head was tilted to the side slightly, her warm breath tickled his cheek. He could hear his heartbeats. They were slow but hammered against his ribcage painfully. 

They were so close, the tip of their nose almost touched, but Kuroro stopped. He stopped and licked his lips. He let go of her--let go her cheek and her hand. He took a step backwards, hands fell to his sides.

He didn't dare to look at her, to see the electric blue, but he could feel her gaze, drilled a hole to his head.

"Why did you stopped?" She asked, almost accusingly. 

Kuroro lifted his head, once again locked his gaze on the electric blue. The deep, deep blue still glowed dimly, but now it was emotionless, cold and icy. "I—" he trailed off.

"Why did you stopped?" She asked again. Voice low and stern. Demanded him to answer.

Again, Kuroro had no answers.

Kurapica broke the eye contact, turned on her heels then walked away through the falling snow.

Kuroro just stood on the spot, stared at her retreated back.

And stared...

And stared...

~Half-Winged Butterfly~

Kurapica opens Kuroro's apartment door in haste. She is in hurry because she forgot that she has a meeting with a children storybook writer named Neon at lunch. She remembered the promise ten minutes before her shift ended and remembered she had left her sketchbook in her room.

So here she is, running to her room, try to find her sketchbook in her messy room. When she opens her room, and sees how catastrophic it is, she curses her undying hate for neatness because now she really needs the sketchbook and she forgets where she placed it before. Kurapica doesn’t like neatness, on the contrary, Kuroro is a neat freak; everything has a place and every place has a thing. She doesn’t understand this but it is okay with her. This is his house, so she has to play with his rule. The only place that is messy in his house is her room which he had gave to her the day she moved in. Kuroro had given it to her, so the room is hers, she can do anything she like with her own room, right?

The blonde girl walks straight to her bed, thinking that maybe her sketchbook is there. She likes to sketch on her bed so she might throw it on the bed and now is covered with papers. She is rummaging through all the sketches on her bed when she suddenly notices that there is something off with the half-done painting on the easel next to her bed.

She stops rummaging and stares at the painting. She approaches it for further inspection. The painting is beautiful even though it is half-done and there is nothing wrong with it. But when you look closely and carefully, you will find that the blue colour on the corner is smudged. But Kurapica is not only sees the smudged colour, she sees a fingerprint printed on it also. Kurapica is a very careful artist, she would never let her fingerprint imprinted anywhere on her work so that is not belong to her.

Her blood turns cold. That’s Kuroro’s. How does she know? She just knows, and her intuition is never wrong.

She stares at the fingerprint emotionlessly. Her mind wanders to the conversation she had with Leorio. He had asked her; _“If you don’t want him to step in, then why don’t you lock it?”_

The answer is so easy. She likes games and this is one of the games. A test for Kuroro, how long will he be able to hold his curiosity. Just like when God told Adam and Eve not to eat from the tree of the knowledge. If He didn’t want them to eat from the tree, then why He put it there? That meant He wanted to test them, right? He wanted to know how deep their loyalty to Him is. Kurapica is no god, but the idea is the same. She just wants to know, just curious, that’s all. And to test, you need temptation, so the unlocked door and the prohibition are the temptation. 

Kurapica Kuruta believes nothing ever build to last. She believes that everything will be broken eventually, no matter how good the thing is, no matter how nice and pure a person is. She knows this because Pairo, the purest person she ever known was broken in the end. She thought Pairo would survive, thought nothing would destroy his pureness, nothing would taint him, corrupt him. She had thought that Pairo would be pure forever, thought he was the strongest person in the world. But no, he was certainly not. Slowly, he was corrupted, tainted, broken, and then he was shattered and fell into darkness, left Kurapica alone in the monochrome world.

Even though she knows nothing ever built to last, deep down she wants to be wrong about it. To know whether you are right or wrong, you need to test, right? So she has been wandering, trying to find the right person. Why Kuroro? Why not Leorio? Because if she loses Leorio, she has nothing afterward, she will be completely alone. She can’t destroy Leorio, she can’t break him, not him, never Leorio. But Kuroro is perfect; he is kind, patient, and mature. He is pure and full of light, just like Pairo was once, a model of unbreakable person. If Kuroro is broken, she can run back to Leorio again.

The fingerprint is the enough proof that Kuroro is already tempted, tainted, corrupted. It is just a matter of time until he is completely broken. 

Kurapica touches the fingerprint tenderly, while her eyes are cold and icy.

She feels betrayed by Kuroro. She has been pushing his button for two years, has been trying to see if he will finally tainted. But the man remains pure and full of light, even though Kurapica drives him mad every single time, he remains loyal to her, so faithful. She thought he would survive, but she was wrong and her hypothesis is right; nothing ever built to last.

With her fingertips still touch the fingerprint, her cold blue eyes wander to Pairo’s painting, to the liar with holy light. She stares at the smudged background, at the purple, white, blue, and yellow colours. She couldn’t decide the background, should it be purple for liar, white and blue for pure, or yellow for holy light? She didn’t know, so the colours are smudged and ugly.

“Black...” She whispers absentmindedly as she lifts the painting off the easel. “Black eyes and smile... maybe purple for irises...” She glances to the wall full of Kuroro sketches, “Hmm... red, ugly red and black...” She throws the canvas to the wall produced an ugly _‘CRACK’_ sound when it hit the wall and pathetic _‘thud’_ when it falls on the floor. The painting is broken, bended. Somehow, she finds her sketchbook, the lovely thing is peeked out under the bed. The blonde grabs it and walks out her room, out the apartment, while mumbling about black, red, yellow, and purple to herself.

“Oh, yucky green for tongue...”

~Half-Winged Butterfly~

13\. Why?

As romantic as it sounded, Kuroro would not walk back to his apartment. After Kurapica was no longer to be seen, the black haired man stopped a taxi and went home that way because his apartment was still too far not to mention the snow, so walking was a big no-no. In romantic novels, they would wrote that the man would walk and think about what he should do after that episode but it didn’t go that way with Kuroro. He didn’t think about what he should do, he thought about the answer to her question; why did he stop? He wanted to, then why he stopped? 

The question of _why_ lingered in his head. He thought about it in the taxi, after he paid, while he was in the elevator, while he opened his apartment door, while he washed his face, while he changed his clothes into a pyjama, while he laid on his bed, he even dreamt about him sitting on white space like in the painting of him from Kurapica, thinking of the question _why._

He was rudely awoken by the sound of someone literally punching his innocent front door. He opened his eyes and the picture of Kurapica standing in the snow fall with electric blue eyes glowed dimly in the dark when asking him _why_ disappeared like a poster was ripped off the wall right in front of your face. The knocking sounded like the person had an urgent business with him or needed him to save their soul. The man groaned at each bang because his head throbbed painfully in sync with it.

Kuroro pushed himself up off the bed and stomped toward the abused door. He opened it harshly, death glare on his face, and asked “What?”

The door bully was two young teenagers—probably around Kurapica’s age—who were shocked to Kuroro’s harsh voice. 

“Whoa-ow~ chill, man.” The white-haired teen—the one who abused the door—held his hands up in mock surrender. “We don’t mean any harm.” 

The second teen, with messy reddish brown hair rolled his eyes. “Yeah, we really don’t mean any harm even though you were banging on someone’s door like you are a debt collector.”

“Shuddup, Hiccup.” The white haired teen spat, “Don’t bitch at me about how I knock on someone’s door.”

“Said the guy who was bitching at me all night to hurry the fuck up while he didn’t help me out at all.” The teen named Hiccup almost screamed at him.

When the white haired teen was about to retort, Kuroro cut him off, “What do you want?”

Both of the teen froze, like they were just aware that Kuroro was there. The white teen huffed while the Hiccup looked sheepish. “Uuh... we just want you to know that your car is already safe in your garage.” Hiccup said.

Kuroro frowned. Car? Oh, yeah, Kurapica had asked for her friends ‘help’ to fix his car. “Uhh... thanks?”

The white teen snorted. “Thanks? No shit, man. You made us up all night working on Christmas Eve and all you have to say is thanks?”

“Fuck, Jack.” Hiccup groaned. “Do you have to antagonize everyone who interrupts your beauty sleep? And, oh, by the way, the one who is _working_ is _me._ ”

“Stop.” Kuroro said tiredly. “I don’t need you guys bickering in front of my apartment’s door on Christmas day. So just tell me what you want.”

Both teen shared a look. Hiccup shrugged and shook his head so Jack rolled his eyes and faced Kuroro with annoyed expression plastered on his too pale face like Kuroro had insult him. “What did you do to her?”

Kuroro was taken aback. Excuse me, punk, who in the earth would understand your very vague question. “Who did what to whom?”

“She stopped by our spot yesterday. Her eyes are blue. Why?” Like that really elaborate anything. Kuroro had a sudden urge to smack the white haired punk’s face to the wall repeatedly until his pale complexion adorned with blood.

Hiccup saw the distress on Kuroro’s face and kindly explained. “She never took her contacts off in public, so why?”

The black-haired man head felt dizzy. The question of _why_ haunting him again.

_Why did you stop?_

_Why she had to ask?_

_Why did she wear contacts?_

_Why did she like the colour?_

_Why did you just stand there?_

_Why did she have to be mad?_

_Why did you stop?_

_Why didn’t you go after her?_

_Why didn’t you ask her cell number?_

_Why two punks had to bang crazily on his door in the morning?_

_WHY DID YOU STOP!?_

He covered his face with his big palm. “I don’t know.” He sighed, “I don’t even know she wear contacts in the first place.” He knew the question _why_ had deeper meaning and needed deeper answer, but he didn’t know what to say for he was confused as well. He didn’t know why Kurapica wore contacts, he didn’t know why she liked the colour, he didn’t know why her action of showing her electric blue eyes in public had deeper meaning.

Both teens exchanged looks again. Now, it was Hiccup turn to ask him first; “I’ve heard about you from Kurapica these days. I just want to know why are you still by her side?”

Kuroro’s blood turned cold. His onyx eyes widened.

_Why—?_

~Half-Winged Butterfly~

The thoughts about black, purple, ugly red, blue, yellow, and yucky green had stopped the moment she stepped in the restaurant. Her mind and body is immediately set in an autopilot once the discussion between Neon and her starts. They talks about how this character should be portrayed, how that scene should be painted, what colours they should use, and many more. Kurapica even input her thoughts about the story line and the words she could use in her story.

Her autopilot mode is interrupted when her phone began to sing. She intends to ignore the call, Kurapica is a professional, a personal call is a no-no in work, but she cancels her intend when she look at the caller id.

“I’m sorry, Neon.” She said to the pink haired writer, “This is important.”

Neon nodded at her. 

Kurapica answers the call, “Hello?” and then, a pause as she listens to the caller. Five minutes later, her blue eyes widened and the buzzing sound starts to have a concert in her ears again.

“Huh?”

~Half-Winged Butterfly~

14\. Dearly Beloved

Six days had passed since their date on Christmas Eve. Today was New Year Eve.

In those six days, Kuroro had been asking why to himself and still found no answer. But those electric blue eyes which glowed dimly in the night of falling snow made his heart hammered against his ribcage so strongly. He couldn’t find the answers to all the questions. The more he thought about it, the more his mind wandered to the moment when Kurapica had asked him _why_ and the memory of electric blue made him dizzy, made his fingertips twitched, made his heart thundered in slow tempo, made him unsatisfied, made him wanted more.

He thought about it. Really, really thought about it. About why did he stop, about why he couldn’t say anything to her that night, about why he still at her side even though he knew she was a bad news. But every time he tried to form an answer for each question, the picture of her stood on the sidewalk and the memory of electric blue rushed back to his mind.

Today was like before, like the last five days; woke up, set his body on autopilot mode so he would eat normally, mind thinking about the answers and he would go back to stand in front of blue eyed Kurapica asking him _why_. And before he knew it, it was already evening.

Kuroro stared outside the window, to see the starless sky that soon would be full of fireworks. He suddenly remembered the summer day when he and Kurapica lit the starless sky with fireworks and threw paper airplane to the ocean. The memory made him smile a little. He remembered the water reflected the colours of the fireworks that day, made the monochrome scenery became so technicolor.

His body was still in autopilot mode, so he didn’t really know when he took a bath, when he donned the black shirt and jeans, when he put on his new coat, when he locked his door, when he walked out the building, everything was a blur. He didn’t even know where his body took him. He didn’t want to think, because if he did, his mind would wander about the question _why_ again. 

After walking for twenty minutes, his body suddenly decided to stop. Kuroro, didn’t even realize he was looking down all the time, lifted his head and stared to the bus stop sign. Oh, so his body took him there, to the place where he and Kurapica first met, to the place which held so many memories of them together. He stared at the sign for two minutes before he finally noticed the girl who sat on her usual spot. It took him another three minutes to drink in the figure and acknowledge her as Kurapica. He stared at her for five minutes with blank mind before his autopilot mode body made him sat beside her like he used to do.

They sat like that for a while. Kurapica had her favourite staring contest with the starless night sky and Kuroro studied the not-so-interesting asphalt.

After ten minutes, Kurapica finally opened her mouth and said; “You know, I... I hate blue sky.”

A pause, “So that’s why you always stare at the black night sky?” 

She nodded. “I like the colour.” She said slowly. “It is black, deep black, like massive black canvas. And no matter how many buckets of colours you throw at the black canvas, the colour would never change, would never be tainted. It is stagnant, constant, unchangeable. I like that way.”

Kuroro frowned, how come a girl who brought so many colours into his days loved monochrome world? “Isn’t it more interesting if the world is colourful?”

“No.” She shook her head. “Too many chaos.”

“Oh.”

Another silent. It was not bad, but wasn’t good either. It felt like there was something unspoken, something they should talk about, but Kuroro didn’t know what he wanted to say and he didn’t know what the blonde would say.

Kurapica was now looked at him, Kuroro could feel her gaze on the edge of his eye, he knew he had to look at her eventually. He could feel that her gaze silently demanded him to see at her. But she didn’t push him to do so. It was his decision. Kuroro suddenly wanted her to push him, to force him, so he didn’t have a choice to decide. The black haired man licked his bottom lip, he sniffed once before looked at her. The moment his eyes landed on her eyes, she took every breath he breathed away.

_Electric blue_

“I’m sorry about Jack and Hiccup.” She said. Kuroro just shrugged. “I crashed at their place that day and told them where to drive the car back to you. I don’t know they would bother you.”

“Are they close to you?”

“Not really. I just really like their place, is all.”

“Why?”

She shrugged. “Leorio makes me feel like I am his adopted daughter. My boss makes me feel like I am the most dangerous girl in the town. The boys make me feel like I am the most gorgeous thing in the world. The night makes me feel invincible. _You_ make me feel like I am special. Hiccup and Jack make me feel normal. That’s why.”

She made the answer to the question _why_ sounded easy. But Kuroro still didn’t have answer to Kurapica’s question why or those punks’. 

“Isn’t feel special is good?” 

Kurapica’s cheek was dusted pink, and her smile was a sad one. “It makes me scared.”

Kuroro wanted to hug her. “Why?” He whispered.

“Because, maybe I don’t deserve to be special.” She shook her head. “Because in this world, I am nothing, a nobody.” Electric blue melted. Down to her cheeks, down to her chin, dropped to her chest.

Kuroro edged closer to her, wrapped her in his embrace and she put her head on the crook of his neck. “Then let’s make another world,” he said. “A new world where you can feel special, a world for the two of us. Come with me, Kurapica.”

The blonde’s hand wrapped around him too, fisted the shirt on his back tightly. “Can I?”

“Yeah...” He kissed her hair and inhaled the scent. She smelled like honey and cigarette.

She let out gasps of breathy laugh. “I’m still underage, you pervert.”

“Well, this is our private world, the rules are ours to make.”

Kuroro and Kurapica laughed together. It was perfect, it was brilliant. Wonderful. 

Way up on the sky, thousand of fireworks burst brightly, coloured the black sky with their sparks before they dispersed.

~Half-Winged Butterfly~

Kurapica is in that place again. The place where everything is pure white and smells funny. No one talks in this place, the only sound could be heard is the soft footsteps, the brushes of clothes, the sound of breath, and the hum or beeping sound of machine. Kurapica doesn’t really like this place. It is too bright, too pure, too white, like she is already in heaven, but it is fake because the atmosphere was so grim. But she has to come here once a month.

Today, she stood outside the curtain. She doesn’t feel like step in and see the lady who lied there, lifeless, but in peace.

She didn’t know how long she has been standing there. But her fingertips start to freeze and her legs hurt. She still stares at the white curtain when a nurse comes and pats her on the shoulder. “Hey, Kurapica! Visiting again?”

Kurapica nods to Bisuke, the nurse who claims herself as her friend. “How’s she?”

She curly haired nurse crosses her arms. “Half-dead." She answers casually, "Do you think this is the right time to sign the paper?”

Kurapica frowns in disgust. No, she won’t sign. Never! She won’t let her free. “No.” She said in a low tone, “She doesn’t deserve it.” 

With that, she turns on her heels and leave.

To be continued...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know why but my rich editor is disappear... can anyone help me? TT_TT


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